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Title: Oldest daughter using boundaries as well...wife changes trip Post by: formflier on June 30, 2018, 07:48:08 AM Relevant history
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=326036.0;all So... my wife had "assured" me after I didn't "rescue" that she already had this covered and my refusal didn't matter. It appears that "she was sure" she could "make" my oldest daughter do it and perhaps rope some of her family into it as well. Apparently there was pushback. Instead of leaving yesterday, my wife and kids (that were going on trip) stayed an extra night, got up early and headed off to the church commitment they had made. Today... .very proud of my daughter. And... frankly... proud of my wife as well. She made a commitment and honored it, even when it became inconvenient. Boundaries work... FF Title: Re: Oldest daughter using boundaries as well...wife changes trip Post by: Notwendy on June 30, 2018, 08:10:17 AM Children as they get older become a reality check. This can also upset the apple cart in a marriage where denial is a factor.
With my own children, I strive to reinforce their natural boundaries. Having good boundaries will help them navigate adult relationships well. In my FOO, when I held a boundary with BPD mother, it triggered the drama triangle. She would go into victim mode and run to my father to tell him how "terrible" I was. He would then become her rescuer and punish me. I was not allowed to say no to her or talk back to her. As you can imagine, this led to boundary issues for me as an adult. You are wise to raise a child to be allowed to say no when they mean no in their relationships with others. Hat's off to your daughter- and to you for not rescuing. |