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My ex with BPD has decided to 'celebrate' our 1 year anniversary by deleting every memory of me and every possible way to reach him in this lifetime.  I know anniversaries can be triggers but we were actually talking again and now this.  I know  he has recently reconnected with an old guy friend he games with (platonic) and this person must have been his FP before me.  So, another reason to throw me away because now he has new/old supply to make him feel good.

 A couple months ago he told me it was over (for the second time), but he left one way for me to contact him, through a mutual video game we play.  So slowly we have been reconnecting through there although it's obvious I have been painted black since January.  He was often just rude and would tell me to 'leave him alone' without much conversation at all.  I just hung in there and would only talk about neutral things but it was obvious he was hating me.  What kept me there was the fact that he had not deleted me yet so I thought he must have some sort of attachment or need I could provide.  But, now this and I feel like this must be the final goodbye.  What hurts is we had had a decent conversation the night before and it was just shy of one year.  He had told a mutual friend he was still in love just a few weeks before that, too.

Hi Jii,

 


I’m sorry to hear that. I can relate with being split black you might yearning for those days where you were split white, sometimes the blocks of time where you are split black get longer and longer you wonder if you’ll ever get split white again.

You didn’t give us enough information in your post, why do you think that this is the final split? Did something transpire between you two? Was there an exchange? The more that we know the more that we can help.

I'm not really sure what transpired. As I said I had been remaining in contact with him every few days about the game we used to play together,  very neutral conversation.  Often, he was short with me or would tell me to 'leave him alone' after 20 seconds of any talking. And so I would. He would be on at my times though, as though he was waiting for me to show up.  I realized after he was probably looking for the new/old supply he used to game with.

However, I did send him something as a gift and the last time I did that he said he didn't want 'my peace offerings'.  For what, I never knew because nothing bad had happened and  although he was terse with me as usual, everything seemed normal.  I even noticed him using my gifts so I don't think he disliked them.  

A few days before this happened, I noticed he had deleted all our past mails.  He also deleted and blocked me from everything to contact him through the games forum, which I rarely ever go on.  So there was some premeditation involved. Mid-July was supposed to be the anniversary of the day we met and he was very aware of this because he told a mutual friend we had been friends since last July so he had known me  'almost a year'.  He had also told this friend he was still in love with me.

Since our relationship is long-distance, I have no way to even contact him anymore.  I did try to resend a friend request on the game with a message , but he is currently ignoring it.  Since this has happened, he has only been on briefly according to our mutual friend and seems to be avoiding any times I might be on.  I often would get the feeling when he was short or somewhat mean to me that he would feel bad about it after and take it out on himself in the form of not eating all day or cutting, or alcohol. So sometimes I think maybe he is leaving to protect me from his bad behavior.

Hi Jii,

What has been happening since your last post?  Have you had any contact with him and how are you feeling?

Love and light x

Hi Jii,

I’d like to echo HarleyQuinn has he accepted your friend request? You did say that he  waffles back and forth.