BPDFamily.com

Hello!  I haven't been on this forum in a long time but I thought I'd post some updates.  You can read through my history about my uBPD ex boyfriend.  Of course I know I can't diagnose anyone so who knows if my ex was BPD or not.  Anyhow, long story short - very quick relationship with lots of ups and downs, he dumps me, I find out shortly thereafter he's in a new relationship with the girl he told me (while we were together) was "Just a friend," and then proceeds to be very cruel to me after I confront him about possibly cheating.

We both ended up moving to different states.  This was in Oct of last year.

I'm happy to report that I am flourishing in my new state.   I've been seeing a therapist and she helped me work through a lot of my issues.  I am in a WONDERFUL new relationship with a man who is the polar opposite of my ex - calm, grounded, sensible, loving... .the list goes on.

Recently my ex has been trying to get in contact with me.  He found me in instagram and direct messaged me with an apology... .or sort of an apology.  He bragged a little about his new business, then said he was sorry "things got so ugly," and that I was "an amazing woman."  I politely thanked him and ended the conversation.  He proceeded to message me last week informing me he'd been single for a few months and was traveling to my city for a road trip this summer and wanted us to get together.  It was amazing how absolutely clueless he was to the degree of hurt that he had caused me during our relationship. Out of curiosity I checked his gf's facebook page and according to her they're still together.  Shocking.  I almost messaged her to let her know what was going on but decided against it.  He's not my problem anymore, thank god.

I politely told him that I wished him well but did not want him in my life any longer and proceeded to block him.

Anyhow, my life is monumentally better with him out of it.  7 months ago I was convinced he was the love of my life and I'd never find anyone better than him.  I spent so many nights curled up in bed, sobbing.  Sure, my current bf isn't as exciting or as glamorous as my ex, but he's stable and loves me, and he truly feels like home to me.  There's no drama, no anxiety. I just feel loved and happy.  So... .I hope this story helps someone.  It does get better.  For me it just took therapy, time, and the love of my friends and family.  Best of luck to all of us and thank you for reading. :)

Congrats, araneina!  It sounds like you're doing great and I can relate very much to how great it feels to find a healthy relationship after leaving a disordered one. 


Would you like to share more about the process that got you from A to B?  What are some of the issues you worked through with your therapist?

Thank you. :)

When I met my therapist  I was a mess.  I had absorbed a lot of my ex's qualities - feelings of emptiness, depression, drinking too much, I even thought about suicide for a brief while.  Initially we just talked about my last relationship - why I stayed as long as I did, the mistakes I made in the relationship, etc.  Then we began going through my previous relationships and talked about things that I liked and disliked about them, and examined my missteps in those relationships.

Over time we realized that I have difficulty asserting myself in a relationship. Rather than say "No I don't like this," and developing boundaries with a partner, I would bend over backwards to please my partner so they wouldn't leave me.  I also have a bad habit of bottling things up rather than talking through my problems with my partner.

I was terrified to start dating again but my therapist urged me to try.  I met my bf in early February.  I spent a lot of my therapy sessions talking about my relationship with my him, and getting her insight on how to handle things.  I am, as a result, MUCH more open with my bf about things.  He encourages me to talk to him about problems I might be having.  He knows I'm in therapy and supports me 100%.  I do think I really lucked out with him - he wants nothing more than to make me happy, but he's also very comfortable telling me when I'm crossing any boundaries with him.

EDIT: I forgot to add a very important realization my therapist and I had.  Based off of my last 4 relationships, she surmised that I thrive off of drama in a relationship.  My current relationship is VERY even-keel and normal, and for a while I started developing imaginary problems in, what she suggested, was an attempt to create drama where there wasn't any.  Oops.  I now am much more cognizant of that and thankful that my relationship is more or less drama free, as it should be.

Aside from therapy I started working out and making new friends.  My new city has a lot more opportunities for outdoor activities as well as cultural ones, so I stayed very busy during my healing process.  The worst thing I could do was sit at home because then I just tended to dwell on things and I'd end up crying.

I visited my folks this weekend for the first time in about a year, and my mom said I was the happiest she'd seen me in a long time.  One of my old friends said I was "glowing."  I'm in a much better place now. :)

I have similar tendencies. I think it's less about me wanting them not to leave me, but rather me prioritizing their feelings, neglecting my needs, and trying to avoid conflict. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your success story! I ended my relationship a couple months ago and leaving the house feels overwhelming- I feel cranky, insecurity, anxious, exhausted and irritable. But I want to allow myself to process, unwind, and focus on myself by staying in, but I also want to push myself out of my old comfort zones, and especially into being more physically fit and healthy. It's great to hear your story and progress. Thanks and great work reclaiming your life and identity and health after falling into depression and emptiness! It give me hope to hear.

I'm with Tin!  It's great to hear what's working for people. 


Has quitting "imaginary problems" changed the dynamic in your relationship?  Do you miss the drama you thrived on?