BPDFamily.com

My BPDH has issues when he wakes up.  Sometimes, not all the time.  Today was a not so great morning.  

I was working on paperwork to send out when he's done with his shower.  He asks about an errand his brother was supposed to run.  I told him what his brother told me, he got confused, got angry, snapped again.  Asked his brother, got mad that he didn't understand.

I continued on with my paperwork and heard my bph getting snippy with out oldest.  Our oldest was ignoring him because he was engrossed with the computer.  Then my bph asked me what I was doing and I told him working on the paperwork.  He got angry saying I was ignoring him and he was just going to leave so he could bust his ass at work so we could buy stuff.

I apologized for ignoring him and tried to give him physical contact like a hug.  He rejected it.  I tried again and was rejected.  When he left, he hugged the kids and blew me off.  I told him to have a good day and he said not likely.  He left and started shouting about us leaving stuff outside.  I was dealing with the youngest that just dumped chips.  He got angry and said fine, keep ignoring me, etc.  Finally left to work.

I know he's mad about other stuff.  I still struggle with not getting mad at him for doing crap like this because he's mad about something else.  I don't show I am upset, but I really just want to call him a brat.

Resolution:
I called to talk to him about what happened.  He apologized for getting upset and that I wasn't ignoring him and he is okay.  I asked if he was sure he was okay and told him I would talk to him later.

BPDH and I BOTH hate mornings.  I try to speak as little as possible, to avoid some sort of snippy blow-up.  If he perceives I am impatient, or feels a need to vent on me about how much it sucks for him to have to get up (not me, just him), it may be 5PM before we can get past it.  Add in that he is diabetic but rarely eats before he gets to work, his morning mood is a mess.

I think you did great.  He was trying to provoke you, so he could have a fight and vent his unhappiness.  I really think it's almost an invalidation for us to not be upset when they are, so they poke and poke to make us upset so they can vent on us and blame us for being mad (as if we were the ones mad first.)

I now that if H has had nightmares (usually about me treating him ways he's treated me), his mood is a mess.  In so many ways, what they choose to yell about is not the actual root issue. 

Here's hoping tomorrow is better.