BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone, I am based in West Somerset, UK if that helps, though I'm willing to consider recommendations from pretty much anywhere in the UK at the moment. 

I recently went to court and felt thoroughly let down by my solicitor, who wasn't aggressive enough in pressing for the things I considered most important, one of which was a psychological test for my ex.  Can you recommend a solicitor who understands personality disorders and could help me out? 

Do you know anything about requesting a psychological test from the court and if so, can you recommend a psychologist to perform one? I understand that I need to apply to the court with a psychologist in mind, their fee rate, agreement to act and their CV.  It is also helpful if CAFCAS agree it is a good idea, I can work on that.  Is the MMPI-2 psychiatric evaluation something that is done in the UK?  I've read a little about it and wondered if that's what I ought to be aiming for?

For the background:

Basically my ex took me to court for a second Child Arrangements Order in six months.  I had let him have completely free access to our nearly two-year old son but at the end of April my ex threatened to torture me, said he was happy to spend 25 years in prison for it and went on to enlist his mother's help in reporting me and my seven year old daughter to social services for child abuse - sexual abuse on her part.  I was absolutely horrified and on the advice of my solicitor (as well as social services and the police) suspended contact and now he has taken me back to court to reinstate it.  I was eight months pregnant with his baby daughter when he made all these threats and accusations and I went on to birth her alone.  She is now five weeks old and I have been forced not only to go back to court but to put his name on her birth certificate and agree to weekly contact with both his children at a contact centre.  It all makes me feel sick.  He is also subject to a drugs test, a letter from his GP, more investigation, etc and we go back to court in October, but I really feel it's not enough and that a psychological test is essential.  I need to know more about them and what I need to request.

I am very very very grateful for any assistance you can give.  I am fiercely trying to protect my children and feeling rather alone at the moment.

It's hard to recommend a specific professional.  We're largely here as anonymous peer support.  One excellent idea you can use when you are interviewing the professionals (seeking a consultation is usually inexpensive, you don't have to hire or pay a retainer), whether therapists, counselors or solicitors... .  Ask the person, "If you yourself were facing this issue/conflict/dilemma in your marriage/family, who would you turn to for help?"  Good professionals will not be miffed, they know they won't get every person who walks in the door as a client.  The responses should provide you with some names to move higher on your possibles list. :thought:

Did you document any of his threats?  Were any recorded or witnessed by others?  That he is seeing them at a contact centre indicates he has been limited to supervised visitation?  That's a good start, that professionals are handling the visits, that some limits have been set by the courts or settlements.

Being the target of threats during a BPD dysregulation is scary

Congratulations, too, about the healthy birth of your D  :)

It must be hard to fully settle in as a mama of a newborn when you have these stresses hanging over you. Are you finding time to take care of yourself?


I can see why that would feel bad. Did he have to take a paternity test to prove he is the father?


Is that to enable a relationship between your daughter's half-siblings and your daughter?


What other type of investigation is he expected to comply with?

This sounds reassuring -- a lot of us here do not get that kind of result from family law court. They must be taking seriously his mental instability, though I can understand why you want additional testing.


Did you ask your attorney about having a psych eval administered already?

It sounds like your attorney, and the court, is taking the claims about his instability and threats very seriously (he is only allowed supervised visits). Now he is being supervised, and these narrow privileges are his to lose. My experience with a disordered ex is that he could not handle court orders, even the easy ones. Over time, he seemed to find the expectations to comply with court orders too great and his own emotional dysregulations and cognitive impairments made him believe things that simply weren't true, and very gradually he refused the chances he was given and faded from view.

When does the supervised visitation begin?