BPDFamily.com

I have a question about how BPD manifests itself over time.

I've very much related to a lot of the stories that have been written on here and other websites. How scary it was to see how similar they were to my own. Yet there were plenty of times where there were no similarity at all.

I've often wondered if it's because BPD can take time to manifest itself fully or if has more to do with a particular age group.

In my own experience, she was 16 when we met. There were signs of BPD back then, but they weren't big. It was like a mild form of BPD. The symptoms didn't become apparent until last year, just before she turned 20. I also wonder if the incredible amount of stress she was under had a part to play in exacerbating the condition.

I digress, I would like to hear your thoughts about this

Hi PearlPark,

Because my partner did not have all of the symptoms and because no one really mentions breakups/breakup threats (my best definition for what was happening at the time) as a symptom per se it was very hard for me to discover that this was a "thing". If I had known sooner what I was dealing with I would have handled it differently.

I've seen around here that BPD can lessen with age, but that may be because the behaviors are so dysfunctional they don't keep working. Life comes at ya hard.

I have also found a lot of dissimilarities so I am glad this site accommodates that and gets us to focus on the behaviors since many of us will never be working with an official diagnosis.

wishing you peace, pearl.

From what I've read BPD is a combination of Nature and nurture.  Professionals typically won't diagnose a child as they are still developing.

And yes stress can trigger someone with BPD but you don't have to BPD to get triggered by stress.

There is a book that I like on BPD in general that I found helpful in terms of how BPD can develop, that you might want to check out... .

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change
by Valerie Porr

Panda39

what kinds of symptoms were you seeing when she turned 20?

I would agree with Panda that stress certainly is a factor which can exacerbate the symptoms, based on my experience with my ex partner.

The main thing I learned when looking into BPD and all the associated symptoms is that the presentation we're faced with is not actually about us.  This helped me a great deal to release some of the guilt I was carrying about being the cause of the behaviour.  Whilst there is no doubt that I became a trigger for him, the root cause is the underlying issues and core wounds which replay over and over.  What have you found so far which is helpful to you in your detaching?

Love and light x

Thank you for all the wonderful responses.


I'm so relieved to find others out there in a similar position as me. I know that there is a lot of strong indicators that point towards her having BPD, but I've felt like my experience has been tame compared to other peoples experiences. Not to say it wasn't any less devastating and damaging for me. I don't think my ex is a bad person, just an incredibly damaged one and I feel the pwBPD are often demonised.


There are many factors why she hasn't been diagnosed, but both the nature and her nurture are definitely within the realms of her having it. Her father has it and she was heavily abused and mistreated whilst growing up. On top of the possibility of her having it, she has been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Depression and anxiety.

The stress involved was a massive health scare that lasted 6 months. The possibility of her having a brain tumour that would have been terminal if tests came back positive. Because I had a lot on my plate and was overseas, it was incredibly difficult for me to be there.


Before then, her fear of abandonment was incredibly apparent to me, even she stated it herself a couple of times. I however put it down more as an insecurity than anything else.
She did have a lot of issues that I would say weren't normal that could be attributed to her BPD, but seeing as this was my first relationship, I just put it all upon myself that I was the problem.

During last year under the stress, she just started acting more irrational, less empathetic, incredibly clingy and mood swings galore.
As time has progressed she has continue to get worse and worse in my opinion.
The worst is how she always projected everything onto me, unable to accept any emotional responsibility. Which can also be due to her young age as well.

Hey PearlPark,

Sweeping generalisation here but in our teenage years we all tend to be a bit chaotic, by the time we get to early 20's some of us calm down and understand that chaos isn't overly beneficial... .by the time we get to our 30's and 40's most people have calmed down so much some even have a mid-life crisis to add a bit of sparkle back into their world. The old saying "It's when the tide goes out you find out who's swimming naked". Human chaos is relative.

There was a 2007 Harvard-based research study which looked at trait manifestation with age. It found that 85% of participants showed a significant fall in acute symptoms in 10yrs.

https://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/BPD-symptoms-decrease-age.html

Enabler