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Title: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: whiplashed_mom on July 18, 2018, 05:38:52 PM They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? That was the article that was most helpful to me. It offered the only explanation for what was happening to my son as he put up with terrible treatment from his girl/wife, treatment he would never have put up with from other family members. I doubt he feared she would kill him, but, she could make his life miserable, so he gave into serious delusions and total control of his life, giving up, turning away from all family and friends so she could have him to herself. I wish I could know his life is peaceful now, since he gave up so much for it, but, of course it's not.
Title: Re: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: Skip on July 18, 2018, 06:10:19 PM The article is here: https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a121.htm
Title: Re: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: Panda39 on July 20, 2018, 07:27:19 AM Hi whiplashed_mom,
I saw your post and looked up Stockholm Syndrome and that led me to "Trauma Bond" which seems to be a better fit for what might be happening with your son. Here is an article that you might want to check out... . https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality When I first met my SO and I started to see his uBPSxw's behaviors I was always asking "why"... .and I think that is what you are doing here, asking "why" your son is doing what he's doing. I know this doesn't change your situation, but I think it does help to understand what your son might be experiencing. I hope it helps you know that he isn't rejecting you... .not loving you... .his family... .but he is trapped in relationship that at this point he isn't ready/able to leave and that is all consuming. I can only imagine how painful this situation is. It sounds like from your other post that it's hard for your other family members to discuss the situation... .too painful. Maybe start a journal... .make it letters to your son, tell him what you're feeling, how much you love him, how much you miss him, what you have been doing during your separation. Get this stuff out of your head and put it in a journal for safe keeping. Take Care, Panda39 Title: Re: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: Notwendy on July 20, 2018, 10:03:51 AM I thought my father had a form of Stockholm Syndrome with my BPD mother. I am sorry that your son is in this situation. At this stage, your son is probably trying to do what he can to protect his child, and also be able to work and support the family. I know that you understand that he needs to be the one to decide when or if he has had enough of this. I know you hurt for him. He is doing what he does because he feels it is his only option for some hope for peace in his home. Take care of yourself the best you can.
Title: Re: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: Learning2Thrive on July 20, 2018, 10:09:20 AM whiplashed_mom,
Have you had a chance to look at the link Panda shared? If not, I encourage you to do so. I just perused the page again and it brought back so many memories of when I was finally strong enough to endure the break up of my BPD romantic relationship. Once you open the link, scroll down to this section if you really want to understand why your son is stuck (I’ll provide a quote here): Excerpt Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck Breaking up with a “BPD” partner is often difficult because we do not have a valid understanding of the disorder or our part in the “loaded” relationship bond. As a result we often misinterpret our partners' actions and some of our own. Many of us struggle with some of the following false beliefs. 1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness We often believe that our “BPD” partner is the master of our joy and the keeper of our sorrow. You may feel that they have touched the very depths of your soul. As hard as this is to believe right now, your perspective on this is likely a bit off. Idealization is a powerful “drug” – and it came along at a time in your life when you were very receptive to it. In time, you will come to realize that your partner’s idealization of you, no matter how sincere, was a courting ritual and an overstatement of the real emotions at the time. You were special – but not that special. You will also come to realize that a lot of your elation was due to your own receptivity and openness and your hopes. You will also come to realize that someone coming out of an extended intense and traumatic relationship is often depressed and can not see things clearly. You may feel anxious, confused, and you may be ruminating about your BPD partner. All of this distorts your perception of reality. You may even be indulging in substance abuse to cope. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. It is so difficult to know our (adult) child is caught up in the dysfunction and choosing to abide in it. It’s hard not to want to (or try to) save them. I very much like Panda’s idea of starting a journal for your son. One day, if/when he decides to break free, that journal may be a priceless gift of support that will help keep him focused. In the meantime, it may help you by providing a positive outlet for your love for him. Additionally, I encourage you to keep reading and posting here. We are a family and you fit well on this board. Sharing and supporting each other with healthy compassion and sense of community makes us a stronger, healthier family. Sending you love, gentle hugs and smiles. I hope your pain eases and you’re able to do something especially compassionate and kind for yourself today. L2T Title: Re: They've removed the article on Stockholm Syndrome? Post by: whiplashed_mom on July 26, 2018, 10:37:58 AM I only have a second, but, I want to thank you for your very kind and compassionate replies. I will read it all asap.
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