BPDFamily.com

My daughter is rapidly approaching the bottom. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion, with three grandkids inside, and there is nothing you can do. She has been living in an extended stay motel for the past few months, after blowing her $9k tax refund, getting fired from a good job, and getting evicted from her apartment. I have set firm boundaries because I had to, financially we just couldn't do it anymore.
Today, she pulled out all the stops and I had to remain firm. First she was sick, then told me that they were going to have to move to a shelter, she broke up with her boyfriend, my grand-daughter's birthday was in two days, etc. I had nothing left to give her, except links to housing, women's shelters, etc.
I really don't know how those of you who have been dealing with this for so long make it through. She is 32 and it seems like forever. Thank you for being strong and supportive, and most of all understanding. I think that most that have never gone through this, would never understand.  This site is a blessing for us in the trenches.

Oh Yat4, I am so, so sorry this is happening to you... .to your grandkids... .to all of you!

It would not be as bad if there were no grandkids... .but there are the 3 of them.

It is maddening to read that CPS has not been in contact with you.  I imagine there has been cutbacks with them and that they are overworked... .maybe just putting out fires.  Well, this is a fire!  Have you worked on keeping in contact with them?

Stay confident in knowing that you have done all you could possibly have done Yat4. 

I sincerely hope you keep with us... .keep posting.  It is important that you know you are being heard here.

((HUGS)   from one Grandmother to another.

Huat  : ((

Hi, Yat4

I'm sorry that your family is going through this.

I remember when we went through something similar with our dd. At the time, I didn't know what to do for her that I hadn't already done, to no avail. Because I was so numbed out, I was using emotionally detached language with her, which turns out to be a lot of what these communication tool on the right advise -->

At the time it seemed so strange to be talking this way to her, about hotel rooms and women's shelters in a calm way, rather than jumping in my car to try to rescue her from the latest blowup of her life.

But somewhere in there, she got herself out of that particular scrape without me exhausting my already non-existent reserves. It wasn't the final episode of her careening getaway car of impulses, but I do believe that by not embroiling myself further, she at least got onto an upward trend.

She also had to go to women's housing from a list of links, and some of the women there helped her to find a job. The home had some women with children there, who were on waiting lists for apartments. Even though we could have continued to finance her, it wasn't helping her to do this.

It does feel like forever, doesn't it? Even though they're so young.

g2b

Hi
My daughter is newly diagnosed.  Your post is terrifying to me. Yet I am impressed that you don’t sound bitter just resigned.  I think I have a long road ahead.

Thank you everyone. I'm sorry to scare you. Everyone's journey is different. I will pray that yours does not go as bad. I finally reached a point that I knew that she wasn't going to change. I had to change. I have absolutely no control over her actions, but I do have control over my own life, feelings, and reactions. To me, seems like a very long time for me to learn this lesson. Hugs to you!

Hi Yat4, hugs from me  

It's great to hear from you and yes it's ruddy hard.


We often talk about 'rock bottom' here and it's a difficult term and place to let our children be. My daughter hit rock bottom, jones54 and others, you are not alone Yat4 it's hard, we've got you. It is bottom, however I've been thinking lately about this and for me it was the moment of her engagement to start helping herself. She could have chosen otherwise, our ultimate fear always, and I believe she did not because she knew I was there waiting to support her, like you are for your daughter, waiting.  :)D's  hands were up, ok I'll face myself, as I know you understand, feel my pain, challenges, you've got my back and you'll give me space and your love. You are standing in my shoes, Mum.

My experience is when we stand back and listen, they may come forwards in time. I took a chance of hope for my situation.

We do not generalise here as all our situations are unique, while similar, we relate.

I let my DD find herself, it may have been otherwise, she may have left family, me, in denial, life. I knew I was doing my best to help her face her BPD and disorders.

You know best Yat4, go with your gut always. There is no right or wrong way. I've read so many parents posts that have helped, they may not relate to my situation directly, they have however helped me find my situation.

We are all walking with you, keeping talking here really helps.  

WDx