BPDFamily.com

Previous posts for some context: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=323445.msg12954464#msg12954464
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=323911.msg12958126#msg12958126

So I have been NC with my ex for about 3 months now and it has not been easy. There would be days where I am fine and others where I cant go a minute without thinking about her, the fact that she was able to leave me the way she did still has my head spinning. I've been dating and talking to girls since but my hearts not really into it and my thoughts just go straight to her. But to quickly summarize: met a girl online, talked and dated for about a month/quickly fell in love/first real relationship/ started seeing red flags and cut it off once I found out she was sleeping with someone else/talked with her a little bit after that then silent treatment for a month/blocked from all of her social media out of the blue and told not to contact her when I tried to check on her.

Flash forward to today when I see her on Tinder with two different accounts both describing how depressed she is, seeing this triggered something in me and has probably brought me down to my lowest point since the start of all this making me question if there was something I could have done or can do to save whatever we had, I know it's not my job to "save" her but that's unfortunately the way I am.Now, against all reason, I have a crazy urge to reach out to her one last time with the hopes of getting some closure or maybe salvage what's left of this relationship which I know that is pretty much against all advice given regarding these kinds of situations but I thought i might try giving it one last shot. I appreciate any and all advice regarding this topic in advance and apologize for rambling :) :) :)

Good morning!

   I’m sorry your are feeling this kinda pain ,it’s never easy.With that said I’m going to be as honest as I can here so don’t hate me for it ok? I’m just trying to give you the most honest opinion I can based off the facts you’ve provided me .
   The first thing I noticed is the 1 month dating and relationship VS anger she was sleeping with someone and you cut her off.Only thing I can add to this in specific is , after only 30 days of dating seems a heavy request to expect exclusivity in my opinion don’t you think? Most relationships take awhile before those involved decide to be exclusive especially in today’s society seems we are drifting away from the old mentalities.
   Another thing I can say is “if” this woman did or does have BPD, that pushing away or “cut off” screamed insecurity for her.Honestly BPD or no BPD that “cut off” was not a good game .It kinda fires off a “hey when I get insecure or hurt I’m outta here”.Why do I know this? Because I did the same thing you did not once but twice ! In my relationship and it destroyed it .In my issues I have a huge problem with vulnerability which I’m now working on with a therapist and some red pill training.So to my point it’s not surprising she ghosted you , she probably did it to protect herself and was probably concerned of repetition of this behavior.
     In final and to your request about reaching out to her.If I may suggest something before you do this ... .work on yourself a bit .Try to look at yourself and say , when I did those things what did she feel emotionally? Why did I react that way? Could I have reacted better and more confident,secure , and less dramatic ? You gotta self reflect and fix those issues before going back to her because if she gives you another chance and you are the same , it will end the same way, garantied .Once you do this ,the people on this site can coach you on how to try communication again with her.