BPDFamily.com

We broke up for a month in February and he blocked me on facebook shortly before the break up. He has added his ex wife that he “hates” and today I found out he has a woman who stalked and harrased me in person, on facebook and slandered me to people. I had received a message from someone saying they think he is seeing someone, yet a couple of days ago he is flipping out about how I’m going to leave him anyways. I went to a friends house to use her facebook as she is friends with him to see what he’s been posting. There is a woman that lives 4 hours away that has made sexually suggestive comments and he banters back with her. He’s constantly posting things about how hes single, going without sex etc. He doesn’t acknowledge my existence. In the past he has had emotional affairs through messenger. . He doesn’t meet them. The one who stalked me had dated him when we had a break up 3 years ago for a month. She complained that he wouldnt sleep with her. He is not affectionate with me anymore and we are not sexually active. I know the emotional affairs are his way of building himself up. He usually does it with people who are not attractive and don’t have a lot going for them.
Does anyone else have this problem where they are the opposite & don’t want sex or any form of affection?

Hi Calmcollected,

I haven't heard of this, but I can see how it would be very upsetting. Forgive me for not being aware, but are you two living together or dating? (I feel like this might change the nature of the replies myself or others would want to give you.)

So your partner does not want sex or affection from you? How do you feel about that in terms of you getting or not getting what you want out of the relationship? What does that mean for you in terms of the viability of the relationship?

wishing you peace, pearl.

Dating on & off for three years. Break up, make up. Today I think is the final one. I found out he’s been taking a “friend” to his sons barbecues. His son hates me, so I’m shut out. His ex daughter in law ran into me and asked what was going on. Her sons told her he had a new girlfriend. He just finished giving me hell a couple of days ago for going out with another man when we broke up the last time, even though he had seen someone else at the same time. He said “lets just end this now, you’re going to leave me anyways”. I understand now the lack of affection and pushing me away. He turned it around on me today saying I had dated and accused me of sleeping with an acquaintance today. I run his business. Facebook, emails, advertising etc. I shut it al down today because he said its over and he doesnt want to see me again. I was in the process of putting an offer in on a house that we were going to renovate and move into. I’m devastated.

I also spoke to former girlfriends of his, and they said the same thing happened to them. No sex or affection.

Hi CalmCollected,

Oh, I see! This must feel pretty sudden! I am sorry you are feeling so devastated, this a lot all at once!

So the sex and affection stopped because he was starting up with someone else?

Has he reacted yet to you shutting down his business stuff? How do you expect him to react to that?

take care, pearl.

Its been almost 2 years for sex. Affection shortly after. He used to threaten to leave town, shut everything up if he felt I was leaving. I didnt realize my unhealthy behaviours and would beg him not to, that I loved him etc. I would work harder to help him and please him and things would be great. The last 9 months I started putting up boundaries. Not saving him every time he got in a jam.
Today I sent him a text we needed to talk. He called, it was calm for the most part. He accused me of sleeping around, not changing my terrible ways that hes been telling me to stop for the last 2 years, he would deflect. I told him if this woman made him happy, I wanted him to be happy. We could continue in a professional role and he could pay me. He said sign over the passwords ( I can’t make him an admin on facebook because I’m blocked) email etc. Except he is incapable of handling any of the admin. He accused, I didn’t jade. He’s putting everything up for sale and paying me what he owes me & leaving town. That he didnt want to see me ever again and I was to have nothing to do with the business. I was about to put an offer in on a house he was going to do work on. Inasjed if he was going to do that stilland he said he didn’t want to see me ever again.  I texted him I wanted him to bring the ownerships and plates in my name so I could sign the vehicles over to him. His answer was “fine” It was also his birthday today. I had given him a card with a $500 gift certificate for a tattoo yesterday that he hadn’t opened & I asked for it back. I told him I unpublished his facebook page, auto forwarded his email to text his phone ( he never answers) i take all calls so I asked him not to hand out my cards anymore & to not put the business signs out with my number. I explained that he didn’t own his logo and who to contact for it. I explained how he could purchase his domain & email account as well.