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Title: Rollercoaster Post by: BeCourageous on July 30, 2018, 07:21:51 AM I have been married for 22 years and have two children in their late teens.
My wife is undiagnosed, but many of our friends believe she has a personality disorder and that she may have undergone a troubled childhood. Last year she chose to file for divorce, this was after stonewalling me for almost 2 years. It is as though I never existed, I have almost been deleted from her life. I have full access to the children and thankfully the divorce so far has been plain sailing largely because I am willing to go along with her terms. She started off in our relationship with what looking back appears to have been unrealistic expectations of me and very devoted and complimentary. I am less than perfect. And that is true, I am. Though I have never done anything that would concern a Pastor or the Police. But later I seem to have been demonised for minor mistakes and errors that I was not party to. I seem to be held accountable for the actions of others simply because they were my friends (in some cases they were just as much her friends too). If crossed she would 'delete' people from her life and over the years I noticed that my circle of friends dwindled and any opinions I held were forcefully cross-examined and belittled. Three years ago it seems that I must have done something that has resulted in her no longer talking to me and refusing to maintain any sort of emotional relationship with me, then last year she decided to text me to inform me that the marriage was over and divorce papers would be sourced. In writing this I am not seeking to 'bash' my wife or vent anger, I think my venting has largely taken place and at the moment I feel safer than in the past (I am now not at the same address and her stonewalling of me continues), really I am looking for support for what I can only really explain as bereavement, not from the most recent relationship, but from what the relationship once was and where it ought to have been by now. Also I am looking for tools to be the best support to my children. They remain in the home with her though are with me one or two nights per week and can come over whenever they feel like. So far aside from some inappropriate language directed at them they seem to have faired better in their relationship with her. A part of me (which kept me in the home as long as it did) was concern that the negative attention would turn toward them. So far it appears not to and she seems like a good mother toward them in general. Though she does tire easily and requires much time alone, usually sleeping. Whilst she never had need to work whilst married to me and doesn't really now due to the maintenance I provide, she is now working almost seven days a week and seems to be highly focused on building funds up. Title: Re: Rollercoaster Post by: juju2 on July 30, 2018, 07:55:02 AM Welcome! You are in the right place, good move in finding this community! I am sorry you are going through this. There is experience, strength, and hope here. Post more, if you want, as the more details you provide, the better everyone can assist you. 22 years is a very long time. Maybe you could share some ups and downs, things that happened... .how did you cope for so long. Share at your own comfort level. You have found a caring, safe, place. Sincerely, j Title: Re: Rollercoaster Post by: Mustbeabetterway on July 30, 2018, 10:27:49 AM Hello BeCourageous, let me join juju2 in welcoming you to the BPD family. I left my long term marriage, too. I was exhausted and hurting, so I know how difficult it can be.
There are a lot of resources here and a lot of support. Feel free to ask any questions. There are many members here who have been through or are going through similar things. Here is a link to articles about coparenting that you may find helpful whenever you’re ready to do a little reading: [url=https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php (http://www.[url=https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php) Again, welcome! Mustbeabetterway |