Print Page - What causes BPD

My husband, who I think has BPD (undiagnosed) baffles me. He SEEMS to come from a pretty nice, intact family. I have this need to know how he ended up with this disorder. I know that there's no way to know for sure, but most of what I've read points to some emotional trauma from childhood. I don't think my husband was abused, abandoned, mistreated in any way.

However, his father is a giant baby. He literally can't/won't do anything for himself. He's a slight-of-stature man with a high-pitched nasal voice. He needs to have things his way. Not like a bully, but like a very small child. For example, his evening tea at just the precise time or there is whining involved. He calls his grandchildren, not by their names, but "the kid". For example, "the kid came over while her father went to the store". So interesting. My husband calls his kids "my son" and "my daughter" to me. Almost like I don't know who they are. When I speak about my kids to him, I use their names. "Joey has a dentist appointment". Not "my son has a dentist appointment". He knows who "Joey" is... .we are not co-workers. But I digress. My husband says that one of his grandfathers wanted to teach him to play the piano when he was a boy, but my father-in-law used to say things like, "you don't want to do that. It's for gays". My mother in law, I believe, began allowing this behavior when they got married because at the time, and in their culture, it was what "good girls" did. They took over for the "man's" mother in treating the now-husband like a king (or child, depending how you look at it). However, his mother won't allow anyone to speak of it. If even the tiniest mention on the fringe of my father in law being dependent, she will stop it and say, "now, come on, it's your father". She cannot/does not go to see her children because he will not go (breaks his routine), and she cannot (will not) leave him alone because he is literally helpless. Not only can he not cook (he can boil water... .that is all. He cannot even microwave food. Oh, and he can press the button on the toaster.), but he wouldn't know how to order out and go pick up a meal.

My husband says one thing about growing up that is not positive. He has told me that, for example, when he colored a picture and brought it to his parents, they would say things like, "oh. How nice. Now why would you make the water this color blue? It really should be a little darker. But it's nice."

I know there are people here with more knowledge and experience and insight than I currently have, or may ever have. Is there anything that I've described that would lead a child to become a BPD adult? Forgive me if I'm not wording that correctly... .

BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: BumbleBee83 on August 07, 2018, 06:05:18 PM