BPDFamily.com

 :help:
(That's a bit of an exaggeration.)

I've run into problems with my lawyer, and I no longer trust her.
The problem is I don't know if it's my own baggage. I have PTSD, and I'm getting triggered in a lot of ways.
I will see my T/Coach today, so I'll run it by her, but has anyone else run into this?
How do you know if you need a new lawyer?
What should I be looking for if I do get a new one?
Thanks,
TMD

Hi toomanydogs,

What are your concerns with your current Attorney?

Panda39

Hi Panda,

I think she's lying to me, or perhaps slightly misrepresenting legal positions in order to get me to move forward on the divorce.

For example, I believe there is a conflict of interest in my case. When I married I was required to sign a prenup. I will call the lawyer who drafted the prenup, Jack. My FIL, who administers the trust, my STBX and I lived on, hired a XYZ Law Firm to represent the interests of the trust in the divorce proceeding. Jack is of counsel on XYZ.

My L, call her Gina, first told me there wasn't a conflict because Jack is "of counsel." She now tells me she doesn't remember saying that.

I let Gina know six months ago that I was uncomfortable with the XYZ law firm being involved because of Jack's association.

She keeps telling me that she can guarantee that Jack has not revealed anything about me to XYZ.

I have a problem with that because it is impossible for her to guarantee anything about another person. She doesn't know.

She has advised me to waive conflict for six months. I asked her if I waived could I then at a later day revoke that waiver. Originally, she told me no. Now she's telling me I can revoke.

Then she told me that her law firm's "research" showed that I can sign a "partial" waiver of conflict. She wrote one up for me to sign so we could file it with the court.

In that "partial" waiver, she misrepresented my meeting with Jack, saying I met with him 2 weeks before I signed the prenup in order to negotiate it. I didn't. Jack drafted that prenup with my FIL's direction, not mine.

The prenup waives my right to alimony--not permissible in my state. Jack never told me that. He put language in it that says if the issue of alimony is to be found unenforceable that would not negate the rest of the prenup.

She also wrote in that partial waiver that I "believed and felt" that I could sign a partial waiver of conflict without "prejudice" and that I "believed and felt" that I could revoke the partial at any time and not waive my rights concerning the conflict of interest.

Throughout the interaction regarding the partial waiver, she intended to file it with the court. After I redrafted it and fixed the error and changed "believe and felt" to my lawyer has advised, she told me we don't need to file it, she only needs it for her office.

I start writing all this (and there's more that she's done, including telling me how she was mentored by XYZ and she knows Jack personally that makes me distrust her ability to represent me) and I'm left thinking I need a new lawyer.

Crap. You know? Just crap. My STBX left a year ago. If I hire a new attorney, I have to start over, and how do I know I'm going to be any more comfortable with someone new?

The stress of this past year, including my FIL cutting me off completely from any money  from November to April, had totally undone me. In the midst of all this, I've put two dogs down since April. My kids keep telling me to sign the waiver of conflict and move forward. I'm feeling pretty alone in all this because it feels like people aren't really understanding what it feels like for me. I feel betrayed by my STBX, my FIL, and to a certain extent by my lawyer.

Thanks, Panda.

TMD

TMD,
 
I’m so sorry you are going through all this. Having euthanized one of my dogs less than two weeks ago I know how much that can take out of you. All of this is hard enough without that grief on top of it.

Is it possible for you to have a consultation with a different lawyer to get a second opinion on one or two areas where you’re most concerned? I can imagine how overwhelming it would be to start over, or even just try to explain it all to a new lawyer candidate, so maybe getting feedback on a more limited scope would either reaffirm what your current lawyer is saying or give you a feel for how comfortable you would feel with the new lawyer candidate.

How are you holding up with your self care these days?
BG

Beaglegirl has good advice.  Since every state is different concerning trusts, preneps and divorce law, this might not be the right forum.  A second opinion from a disengaged L might be the best course of action.

Maybe do a consult not only with a different divorce lawyer but also someone knowledgeable in finance/trusts. 

It doesn't mean you need to hire anyone but maybe like BeagleGirl suggests just get second opinions and ask your questions.

I also want to say don't ignore your gut here, this is about you and advocating for yourself.

Panda39

Thank you, Panda. This is what I've been trying to explain to my kids--I can't do something when I'm feeling unsure. However... .

And I'll post this elsewhere later. I did consult a different attorney, one who specializes in malpractice. My concern has been that waiving conflict would mean I was exonerating the lawyer who wrote the bad prenup. He told me how to word it, and he told me that my L is a good lawyer (second time I've heard that) and she could call him if she wanted. He told me she was a professional and would appreciate my need for a second opinion.

So... .

I feel like celebrating because I've done everything I needed to do to ensure I'm protecting myself.

I'm actually--dare I say? happy

Thanks, all,

TMD

TMD,

My gut says you are ok with your L. 

My gut also says you should change a bit the way you are interacting with your L.

She sent you a "draft"... .edit it so that it matches your recollection... exactly. 

If there is pushback from your L on that... .then... .I'm going to be interested in your L's abilities.

Also... .if you have concerns about what the waiver does or doesn't mean... .insist those are plainly spelled out.

"This waiver does not release any claims against "jack" for his advice about the legality of the prenup"

in fact... I think it would be an interesting "shot across the bow" to state

"This waiver of conflict does not release any claims against "jack's" unethical representation of the prenup by advising alimony can be waived when the law plainly states otherwise"

or something like that.

Explicit language is key

FF

Now my gut says I'm okay. I needed a second opinion on that waiver.
You'd have been so proud, FF. I'm learning. You advised a while back that I needed to be a bit "mean."

I edited her draft so I was happy with it. At that point, she told me the motion didn't need to be filed with the court.


I emailed her this morning after I spoke with yet another lawyer and told her I waived conflict and that the waiver needed to include language that states although I'm waiving conflict, I retain all rights to pursue legal action in the event that the prenup prevents my getting a fair settlement.

I'm learning!   

TMD