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Can I start this by first mentioning just how hard the past year has been? (But do wait for it, because this post ends up happy.) And I want to also mention, I'm in my mid-60s.

August 2017: My STBX left, cleaned out the joint bank account, and emailed me: "Die you f :cursing: c :cursing:." I reported the email to his psychiatrist, who told me (honestly) that his calling me a c :cursing: and telling me to die, were his "childish" ways of trying to lash out at me. The man's in his 40s.

Sept 2017: I was filed with divorce papers. I wrote FIL, who administers the trust STBX and I lived on for 11 years, to let him know about the pending divorce and to let him know I'd try to keep it as amicable as possible. I hired an attorney.

Oct 2017: I sign tax form. I try to keep refund, so I have money to live on. CPA advises (strongly) to return the refund just as I have for the past 8 years.

Nov 2017: FIL responded to Sept email, said he was optimistic that if I so chose, I could save the marriage. True. I responded, letting FIL know that STBX filed for divorce because he thinks I'm disgusting (he posted this on Facebook) and a thief (also posted on Facebook), just as he posted FIL is a thief. FIL then informed the CPA to no longer give me any money at all. They could pay the house bills but no money was to be given to me. I had already depleted my savings by $7000 to pay for the divorce. BTW, FIL is public figure with his own foundation. He is not hurting for money.

Dec 2017: While my L was out of the country, I discovered that I had been cut off. I pretty much panicked. Contacted the law firm where my L worked, spoke with another L, who filed an "emergency" request with the Court to get me interim. This L told me the issue would be unlikely to be heard until March or April 2018. I told her to file the request anyway.

Jan 2018: I applied for social security and food stamps, borrowed money from friends, ran up 2 credit cards to stay alive. I have farm animals, including horses, goats, and a donkey.

Jan 2018: Things started deteriorating financially. Badly. Got a shut-off notice on the door giving me 3 days to pay a $1900 electric bill. Guess having the CPA paying the bills hadn't been working so well. Even though I had been told specifically not to contact the CPA, I emailed CPA, FIL, and lawyer asking where I was going to get $1900, as I had no money on my credit cards and less than $100 in checking. Bill was eventually paid. I didn't lose electric. BTW, I have a well for water. Without electricity, the well doesn't work. My opinion, my FIL's actions were unconscionable.

Mar 2018: I lost my garbage pick-up.

Apr 2018: There was a hearing set for the day after my birthday, which just happened to also be my wedding anniversary. STBX's L filed a motion on my birthday requesting a dismissal because he claimed my L and I hadn't gotten back paperwork. Not true. Motion for money was approved with some back money as well. Things were beginning to look up, except... .

Also in Apr 2018: FIL hired a law firm to protect the interests of the Trust. A lawyer "of counsel" to that firm was also the lawyer who had drafted the prenup. The prenup waived a few of my rights, which I didn't know were not allowed to be waived. I bring it to my L's attention, saying it's a conflict of interests. She advises me to waive the conflict, so we can move forward.

Apr 2018-Aug 2018: L advises me to waive conflict. I refuse. L advises me to waive conflict. I refuse. L advises me to partially waive conflict. I refuse. In the midst of all this, I put my 16 year old dog down in April. I have a birthday in April. I try to open the in-ground pool in June. The guy I've been using for 2 years can no longer work on the pool because he doesn't have workers comp (not required in my state for one-man operation). I get the pool opened briefly in July: no heater and it's not working right. It begins to overflow. The pipes leak.
In June, the woman who has been cleaning is informed she can no longer be on the property because she doesn't have worker's comp.

July 2018: Pool continues to overflow. Weeds are overrunning property, tree comes down, and A/C goes out. And hinge on huge, gigantic solid steel gate snaps. Gate is now hanging. I email CPA & L. And I'm kinda snarky, letting them know that I have no idea how much longer the divorce is going to drag on, but clearly the way nothing is getting done isn't really working. I am assigned a property manager. I marvel at the irony. For 10 long years, my STBX asked/demanded/pleaded that I get a property manager, always told him I didn't need one more person to supervise. And now I have one.

Aug 2017, I put another 16-year-old dog down. I continue to fight with my L (and my kids) to waive the conflict, so I can move forward with the divorce. And then... .

Aug 9, 2017: I speak with a legal malpractice attorney to get a second opinion. (I didn't know what kind of lawyer I needed for a second opinion). He explains waiving a conflict of interest, tells me the language the motion should include, and tells me that my L is a good lawyer. Professional. He advises I tell her I contacted him and that she can call him.

I do exactly what he tells me. My L contacts me. I'm waiving conflict. I feel relieved about my L and mostly I feel friggin' amazing that I didn't waive that conflict until I knew exactly what I was doing and exactly how the language should be.

I FEEL AMAZING

TMD

  

I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.      Whew!  That's a lot to deal with. I hope your home situation gets better and that you can be done soon with the divorce. So sorry about you losing your dogs.   

I too have horses, goats, and a donkey--and sheep and cats--and an April birthday.

Thanks, Cat
I love my donkey and the rest of all the animals. They're my refuge.
April birthday? Mine's at the end of April. Yours?
TMD

the 21st.

The donkey keeps me laughing with her crazy stunts. Today she hid her food bowl about 300 feet downhill from where I typically place it. She seemed amused when I couldn't find it and followed me around while I looked for it. I just give her a handful of peanuts in the shell in the morning for a treat--she's got so much to graze on that I don't want her to get fat. And in the evening, she gets a tiny amount of low carb horse pellets--and that's when I need her bowl.

TMD, I'm so sorry about your two dogs.  We lost one back at the end of December, and it was before his time (10-year-old Scottie).  I'm sure that loss on top of everything else you have been going through was hard.

I'm very glad to hear you're feeling good about following through to be sure about your L's advice and what you were doing.  It's hard enough to have to go through all of this, but carrying nagging doubts eats up so much additional energy!  Good for you!

I hope things wrap up soon with the divorce so that you can have more peace.

mw

I love my donkey, too. He's so funny. He follows people around and head butts them until they pet him. He has knocked the stall door off the track in an effort to get loose. He and my Icelandic horse follow me around like they're dogs.

When the divorce is through and I know where I'm living and I can settle down a bit more, I want to finish starting my Icelandic, so I can ride him.

My birthday's April 25. 
TMD

I'm sorry about your Scottie. I love every one of my animals, even this one-eyed, long-haired tiny thing that growls as he struts through the house. LOL

Putting my two dogs down even though it was most definitely their time was hard. I now have urns for my cat L, my dog B, my dog T, my dog R (he was the hardest for me), my dog S, and now my dog A.

I just want the next few years to be free of euthanizing animals.

Can you tell I'm kind of an animal person? 

Thanks! This whole issue with the conflict of interest has been eating at me since April. I'm just really happy and proud that I did what I needed to do in order to move forward.

I have a tendency, even at my age, to want people to be happy with me, even if I'm doing something I'm uncomfortable with.

Pretty sure, my T calls that 'boundaries.'

Have a great weekend,

TMD

It's so hard to lose our beloved four legged companions.     Much of my landscaping here on the ranch consists of plants and trees I've planted on the graves of cats, ruminants, a horse and a donkey. Some of my horses died when the ground was too hard to dig without a giant excavator, so they're not here, and that felt sad.

I planted tree after tree on my horse's grave and each one kept dying for some reason. Now I've got an heritage apple that I'm hoping will suit her.

They bring us so much joy and it's so heartbreaking to lose them--it never gets easier.   

How fun that you have an Icelandic! My husband's photojournalist nephew took a photo of an Icelandic when he was in Iceland and saw a herd of them. It's in the garage, hanging above my saddle racks. (I keep my saddles in the garage because if I left them in the barn, the barn kitties would jump on them and leave claw marks like they've done to my old, but comfortable dressage saddle.)

A friend who is a trainer had a client with two Icelandics. They sound adorable--very engaging and friendly. Haven't had any experience with one myself.

TMD, after all you've endured the fact that you feel amazing is truly amazing and wonderful to hear!     You nailed boundaries!  Go you!

I am also deeply sad for you about your beloved furry friends.  Losing them is so hard.    

Thanks for the update.  I was wondering how you were doing.  Only forward now.

Love and light x