BPDFamily.com

The BPD ex wife makes an appt with orthodontist that says the child will benefit by braces and other work (pulling baby teeth) totalling $4k for the next 2 years.     This will reduce the dental expenses when the child is in his early teens.    And his adult teeth can come in better with baby teeth pulling.   I don't doubt this, but is this really a necessary expense for an 8 year old?      Part of my ex'es motives are to get me to pay more.    I am only supposed to pay for necessary medical expenses and was not expecting orthodontist work for a few more years.     I did not wear braces as a kid, and only want them if severe teeth overcrowding exists.      Am I being uncaring for my son?      Is this is an expense I can avoid?

Don't know the answers but can you take child to another dentist for a second opinion. Even if you pay out of pocket it might be a good idea. My ex is a nurse and liked to take our boys to the doctor for all kinds of things. The pediatrician knew us for years and usually "agreed" with ex but didn't follow her suggestions as to the treatment.
Ex once took our youngest to the pediatrician claiming S4 told her I bruised his arm. Ex sent me an email claiming abuse. Later, in a custody eval, ex tried to use it against me. The evaluator contacted the pediatrician and it became a big nothing. Ex claimed the doc told her she would call me and give me a warning. The doc told the evaluator that she would never do that because legally she would have to contact the proper authorities if she suspected abuse.
Suppose ex heard something and interpreted it the way she expressed it to you. I learned to always second guess my ex when dealing with anything similar. Most of the time my gut is correct.

8 seems young... .

You have a right to contact the dentist directly and to seek a second and even third opinion.

The hardest part of all this is that your disagreement may be expressed by her as, "Dad doesn't love you, that's why he won't pay."

Have you read the book Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak? He helped me look at different scenarios and figure out ways to phrase things to my son so that he learned how to do his own reality testing when my ex would say absurd things (e.g. "your mom loves the dog more than us").

My son is 16 and still seen by a children's dentist.  He did make a referral to a local orthodontist whose office's walls are filled with fantastic smiles but neither recommended pulling the baby teeth or starting immediately.  But my child isn't your child, so that means little.  Both agreed that it would be good for the smallest of the adult teeth (the premolars just behind the canines/eye teeth) to be removed once they were emerging and then braces started but I think he was about 12-13 when that was started.  The dentist pulled those 4 teeth at the orthodontist's direction and then the orthodontist took over with braces.  His braces were completed after two years when he was about 15.5 years old.

Since we don't know the specifics of your child's features (baby teeth, incoming adult teeth, jaw dimensions, etc) and you do have an orthodontist's opinion, you can always seek a second opinion since son is quite young.  No ethical professional would fault you for wanting a second opinion from his/her peers.

I paid up front for a reduced cost but it was still somewhere between $5-6K.  I also have a concern that starting so young may require a second set of braces in a few years?  (Try making kids use their retainers faithfully after the braces come off!)

My son's ortho issues were legendary. At 7, he had his first set of braces, which required a key in the plates built across the upper palate, which required us to crank each night to widen the arc of his teeth. The reason for doing this at 7 was that the bones are still soft - later, it would require surgery to cut the palate. Ugh!

Oh, yes... .there was headgear also.

My ex was good with it because our son is a physical carbon copy of his dad, and dad already had done adult ortho (including the surgery).

So... .there might be a reason, might not. Second opinion in order.

Definately getting a 2nd opinion.     I just think this process is not mandatory at this age, so I will not be required to pay.     Yes, it could be beneficial but not a mandatory procedure right now.   If my ex wants me to pay, then she needs to negotiate.

First question did you speak to the Orthodontist your child saw directly?  Rule number one... .Go to/talk to the source, never believe what your ex tells you at face value (things get distorted).

If you did then, I would get a second opinion also.  What is the point of pulling "baby teeth" when you are going to just have larger teeth grow in? Makes no sense to me.

Now I'm a middle aged Panda but I had braces when I was younger for over crowding at age 11.  I also had teeth pulled to make more room but they were adult teeth. So I again ask what's the point of pulling "baby teeth"?  This does not seem logical to me.

Panda39

Orthodontia practices have changed in this generation, and now it is very common for orthodontia work to begin around age 7 or 8.  I was really surprised by this too.

My oldest had her first set of braces at age 7.  My nephew got his at 9.  They both had lots and lots of friends who had braces at the same time.

[My oldest also had baby teeth removed - there were very valid reasons for that recommendation.]

Thanks worriedStepmom, I appreciate the updated info.

That's exactly why I mention my age... .it's been awhile since I had braces and the world goes on... .progress 

Panda39

My son started braces at 8.  Orthodontists are starting earlier now.  There are several reasons, I'm sure, but one is that the bones are not yet fully fused together so they can be expanded to make room for teeth and avoid crowding and other problems later.  There will probably be a second phase in a couple of years also.  I also never had braces myself as I grew up in Europe, but it seems here in the US everyone has braces. 

I agree that talking to the Dr. Yourself is a good idea.  Not school dentists are equal.  I first took S8 at 3 to a children's dentist.  He had a cavity (this was around the time of our dissolution and mother and I weren't paying attention).  Thirty recommended a root canal. 

I switched insurance and found a credible children's dentist from UCSF (a quality dental school). He said that they were wrong about the root canal and he did a filling, crowns and sealants. 

Last year S8 had one baby tooth pulled.  "Otherwise it will cause problems when the adult teeth come in." He showed us the x-rays and was very good about explaining it to us. 

I do recall my niece telling me that one of their children had a "palate expander" long before getting braces with the goal to make more room for future teeth.


I've noticed that a large number of British actors (not to single them out, just that's what I've watched) have terrible teeth.  Just watch some Doctor Who episodes, among others.  An exception is heartthrob Jenna Coleman, of course.  I guess US actors find they have to have near-perfect teeth to be accepted onscreen, and it translates into society.

Palate expander... .yes! That's what my son had at age 7-9.

What decision would you make if the family was intact?