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Title: Always planning without considering your thoughts. Post by: mssalty on August 25, 2018, 10:00:09 AM Does anyone else have a problem where their SO has a vacation/trip/large expense/etc. planned out without ever talking to you and then works hard to talk you into it, even if they know it's not something that isn't in the budget, something you'd enjoy, etc.
Or have them plan something THEY want to do and disguise it as something you'd want to do, or sell you on all the things that they think you like while masking that it's really cover for something they want to do? It's one of the biggest stressors for me, because a "no" or discussion on why it's not a good idea leads to passive aggressive treatment for a long time. My SO locks onto something and can't let it go, and if they have to, it often results in an argument or grudge. I hate being the person who has to say "no". Title: Re: Always planning without considering your thoughts. Post by: pearlsw on August 25, 2018, 12:38:57 PM Hi mssalty,
Oh yes, I've had a lot of planning without thinking to ask me first and then pressuring me into something I don't want to do later. Then, in response, me acting a bit on obligation sometimes, or just the extreme pressure finally pushing me to give in. Sometimes I don't go along and try to discuss why. It is hard I agree. Ugh! Some really painful memories come to mind. So what do you when this happens? Go along? Not go along? You end up saying no a lot? Want to share an example and how you responded and see if there could have been a preferable response or way to manage? wishing you the best, pearl. Title: Re: Always planning without considering your thoughts. Post by: ateu on August 26, 2018, 10:23:21 AM Just wanted to say that I experienced The same behavoir, from big to little things.
When he wanted to get married and I said I don't think we are in that place, he just went on with it and called me his fiancée. Talk about a big decision that can not be made by just one of us. From little things, it's more like I explain to him why I dont want to go out and drink for example and why we dont have money to spend on going out. He agreed at first but it always end with him getting The way he wants anyway, because for example I know he would make all hell brake loose if I dont take him out (and pay for everything). Usually he gets his way because I cant stand The consequences if he doesnt. It's really breaking me down and making me feel resentful. He could "behave", from time to time, to prove himself, but it always went back to same behavoir. I guess we need to find ways to enforce our boundaries. I never succeded with him, I just realised we can not live together if I ever want to have peace of mind again. I know how you feel. |