BPDFamily.com

A friend just shared this with me.  I thought many of you would find this pretty spot on.  Very much describes my experience with the narcissist in my life.  He describes it as normal behavior to respond with self-doubt when dealing with a NPD.  But I think I struggled with self-doubt for too long.  It wasn't until the people who first told me that all was normal started to have their own experiences and I was able to get validation from sharing that experience with them that I think I really started to break through my self-doubt.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcWvJmWIlo0

Richard Grannon? I didn’t watch the vid. I like him. I keep in mind that he’s a coach and not a psychologist, but I do find his views and philosophies interesting and sometimes helpful.

Thanks for sharing the video, Pilpel. I had never heard of him before, and I appreciated his video. I really like how he shows how to focus on the interactions with someone with narcissism, BPD, etc, more than diagnosing them, because after all, these diagnoses can be tough even a licensed professional.

And I like how he puts things into a real life perspective, so we can better understand. Before reading a lot about narcissism, I would've never thought people in my family were narcissistic because they were so giving in materialistic ways. It was because I did not understand why they were so giving of 'things', yet not able to show love or caring in other ways.

This video reinforces my belief that, just like most things, learning about personality disorders in a classroom setting or by reading books alone does not provide the same understanding as how it really works in real life. And also, someone who has been affected by a loved one with a personality disorder cannot understand what exactly the problem is until they learn the facts, partly due to the affects of the abuse they have lived with, like thinking that it's their own faukt, etc.

Be careful here. This is one philosopher out of many. I do like the one in convo, but he is not a trained therapist. He’s a very intelligent person that has been through what we have. With that being said, what have you learned about narcissistim and it’s affect?

I think that it’s important to point out here that a narcissist will smirk at our pain. Likely revel in it. It’s important for our own safety to not provoke these folks. Smiling while rejecting them is not a good idea. I think that Grannon is pointing more towards dating here. I think that he’s suggesting a test to perform while things are unfolding, not while in the throes of a narcissistic relationship. Please be careful with this information.

JNChell wrote:

Agree with and echo JNChell.

Use  :caution: with this information. It’s interesting to consider but WE need to remain mindful and keep using our wisemind.

Not sure what wisemind is? As the mentally healthier person, we need to exercise it. Check it out:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind (https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind)

  L2T

Yes, L2T. These “coaches” are all over the Internet. I know you’ve seen them. I will say this. These “coaches” don’t hold a candle to the seasoned traum specialist that I meet with once a week.

You all, if you really pay attention to their message, the coaches are coming from a personal place. We need input that as unbiased. Also, these online coaches charge a fee. When it comes to narcissism, things like this should be considered. Grannon is an interesting fellow to watch, but he won’t help you heal. He’s trying to heal through others.

JNChell, I'm pretty sure that my SIL is NPD.  But I don't think she smirks or revels in pain.  Although, there was a time when she admitted that she got a sense of pleasure from raging at others.  I agree about the smiling.  I couldn't even imagine saying "No" to her with a smile.  It's not that she can be dangerous.  But I don't need to smile to know that it would intensify her anger.  I recently had an experience where I realized she doesn't even like to be told "yes" if it's not the yes she wanted.

Yeah, I see a lot of these coaches on youtube.  My friend who is dealing with someone in her life usually finds them and forwards them to me. I do wish I'd known more about these things when I was younger.  I had a brother who I had a similar problem with when I was younger, where he would get mad if I said no to him. At the time, I didn't even know how to describe what I was experiencing. I just knew that I was resorting to giving uncommitted answers like "maybe" or "that is an option" in an effort to keep the peace because I didn't want to say "yes" and commit to something I didn't want to commit to.  I don't even think my brother has NPD, because he's gotten better as he's gotten older, so this "no" test may just work to identify people who have very bad boundaries.