BPDFamily.com

Hi, my daughter is 25 years old. she has been in therapy since she was 5 years old and she was always a ( difficult first child ) no one ever diagnose her with BPD until now by her first causing, she is a syd  i don't know where to start we have gone to so many MFD, PHD, syD but no one ever maintained about BPD. we live in LA CA and she doesn't know the diagnosis yet. what do you suggest? she is at rock bottom her siblings hate her she started beating up me and her dad recently we are so desperate.

Hi AleMTN

Welcome to the bpdfamily :hi: and I'm glad you've come hear to talk and seek some guidance.

I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you for such a long time, it really does sound like it has been very hard on your family, and we can all relate to this 

It's very concerning that your daughter is being physically violent towards you and your husband.  At 25, you have a right to be protected from this type of behaviour.  Are you currently putting some measures in place for your safety and well being and that of your other children who may also be at risk?

My first bit of guidance is just about your safety and then being able to step back out of the crisis, stabilise and moving forward learn as much as you can about BPD; helping your daughter and coping strategies for your family.  There is a wealth of information on the board to the right  |---> and there are also wonderful people hear who would love to engage with about your situation. 

To help target the conversation a little more, are you able to share a little more about what has been happening for your family?  My DD27 was a very difficult child too and it struck me that 5 years of age is so early for your daughter to enter therapy.  Did something specific bring this about?

We are hear to talk with you as long as you need to help you through the crisis and beyond.

Thinking of you Merlot 





 

 

thank you so much for your reply and your understanding. she was always difficult and when she was 16 months old i gave birth to my son. that was a big tragedy for her. when i go back and watch her baby videos i sub because i see how miserable she was how sad she was around my son and how hard she was trying to get my attention. unfortunately i was 26 years old at the time with no experience and with unknown depression. This started getting harder and harder and was becoming power struggle we even went to family therapy when she was 15 years old the psychologist asked me to apologize to her and i did it with all my heart explaining i didn't know any better i had depression without even knowing what depression is and i had my own child hood issues so we didn't have a healthy environment at home neither. now we are where we are unfortunately my husband was against boundaries he was the good guy i was the bad one because she needed limitation she was using bad words to me when my husband was there and he never said a word to her. now we are at the point that nothing is forbidden for her in our house she smoked weeds in her room. she gets violence i finished a few books about BPD i found a good therapist specialize  on BPD i made her go. unfortunately no result yet and its too soon to see the result but i feel so helpless.

Hi AleMTN

Thankyou for coming back so quickly. You have indeed been through some tough times.

It must have been very confronting to reflect back on your circumstances and even though you apologised to your daughter, you should not doubt the wonderful mother you are and have been.

I was 23 when my DD27 was born, and was a baby myself with much growing up to do but even with the genetic and environmental constraints, Ive come to understand that i did the very best under the circumstances. I loved her very much and gave her great opportunities.

Notwithstanind the early years, it sounds like there have been some challenges with your husband and joint boundary setting. You say you have a good therapist who specialisea in BPD. Do you think there is scopw for a more holistix conversation that includes this issue?

You say you have read a few books? "Get me out of here" by Rachel reiland is a good one to highlight the extent to which stability and longevity are key.

Hang in there, you are doing many positive things as we all inch our way forward.

Stay connected as many other parents will be here to support you too.

Merlot

Thank you for the reply. the therapist seems good but he doesn't communicate with us as much. today was my daughter first day of her master program school day but she slept and didn't go. we suspect that she uses other dugs beside weeds! i contacted her Dr. he is so hard to be reached at to make the story short he said leave her alone for a few days but he will offer her to go to a facility as a inpatient so we"ll see.