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Is it common for a BPD person to erase aspects of you ie photos?


When I got together with my ex she deleted all the photos of her ex from Facebook even the profile photos... and she has no photos of any of her other ex’s. However she still has the photos( profile photos, albums etc.) of us up there even the ones where we are kissing etc... .

How would you interpret this? I’m fairly certain she’s seeing someone new so was expecting this to be removed by now... .

Many thanks

Lucy

Hi, Lsmw88. Trying to process all of what went on in your relationship is difficult and heart wrenching. I empathize. We pick it apart down to the bare bones. I did this and it was a very painful process that eventually made me look at my childhood.

pwBPD are unfortunately perpetual children, mentally and emotionally. Roughly 3-5 years old. They can wear beautiful adult bodies, but their mind is stuck in the past. Parts of it, anyway. Mentally, they’re scared children, and we can’t help them because they possess powerful adult responses.

How would you interpret this?

I would interpret this as her “leaving the door open.” I suggest that you close it, and nail it shut. I’m giving this advice from experience. Look, we have been made to feel like the exception, but we were never the exception. Do you understand that? The current person has been made to feel like the exception. It’s a cycle.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. We know how much it hurts. Sometimes I wish some of us could sit down, enjoy a stout and eat some peanuts and discuss this stuff eye to eye.

This as a big step for me when i realised this. When we met she said that all of her previous relationships weren't great and she made really bad choices when it came to who to go out with, but i was different i was perfect i wasn't like them> she had finally met someone who wasn't going to be horrible to her. Someone who was kind.

She now is possibly meeting the next bloke telling him that her last boyfriend wasn't very nice to her. He was jealous and angry but you... you aren't like that you are different. Its hard to understand that lack of self awareness in others  but i know i am a decent person and its just her perception and she may repeat that process over and over. Its tough on the ego to realise that we were the norm and not the exception but healing in the long term.

I come at this from a different direction.  I am exceptional, I was when we me and I continue to be so since the dissolution of our relationship.  Being with her made me feel incredibly good about myself, but that came from within -she created nothing new, it was always there.

I have never, and will not use the term 'replacement'.  We are all unique and irreplaceable.

I have extreme pity for my BPD ex's loss --she is unlikely to find my equal.


Wicker Man

Wise words Wicker Man !

My udx/BPDw always tells me (I'm her second husband she is my second wife), she tells (told) me... ." I kissed a lot of toads before I found my prince"... .then the next day I'm told I am an @ss_O_... .and I think to myself, ."self, what does a frog, a toad, and a prince all have in common, well they all have @ss_O_'s of course"... .

Many years ago, udx/BPDw told me that I was not her "prince charming", she thought I was, but alas I am not... .as I had failed to make her happy, I was this, that and the other thing... .you you you you she said  ... .later on I thought to myself... ."self, you know she ain't no friggen Snow White neither!"... .

Humor is survival, .survival is life !

Today UR a prince, and the next day, back to being a frog (toad)... .this is the never ending cycle.

Be careful, Snow White may actually be the _____ .

Ya'll have a good day !

Red5

I was speaking to my therapist about the "Scorpion and the Frog" parable in the context of people being afflicted with BPD being a bit hard on relationships -the nature of the scorpion. The frog in this case (me) being a people pleasing enabler, by nature wanting to help people.

My therapist asked if I saw myself as a frog.  I told him 'Yes, in fact I do -I am the frog who lived to swim another day'. 


Wicker Man

As the years pass, and I learn more and more, and endure more and more... .me, the "caretaker"... .is starting to become quite a grumpy old BULL frog... .a great big fat awnry old bull frog... .KING of his swamp, .a indomitable monster of a frog!

 !

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=futurama+frog&&view=detail&mid=7616F65CF07A43362DE67616F65CF07A43362DE6&&FORM=VRDGAR

Take care Wicker Man!

Red5

Back to (Lsmw88) Lucy's original post about pictures.  Mine posted a photo a day on Instagram with a veiled message for me over about 6 months.  It was heart rending and incredibly difficult for me to avoid watching the slow motion train wreck. 

My ex is a genius and a very gifted artist, so she was able to target the messages with remarkable precision. 

In our case I was the first of her boyfriends she had ever posted a photo of on social media -unless of course she had taken down the others before we met -she did have a flirtatious relationship with the truth... . 

I don't know if she has since pulled down our photos or not.  When I deleted her contact info on WeChat I lost the ability to see her photo gallery.  -I have spent quite a bit of time trying to not care.

I am not sure anyone can know your friend's motivation for keeping your photos up.  It certainly seems common for people suffering from BPD to keep a door open after a relationship falls apart.  Mine was in contact with at least two of her past lovers throughout our relationship.

I have done a lot of reading about BPD as well as spoken to my therapist about it at length about the disorder in an attempt to understand some of what I experienced during my relationship.  The people we loved, suffering from BPD, have some behaviors in common brought on by the disorder, but ultimately they are individuals.  Spend time working on yourself and try not to dwell too much on your ex's behavior.  Recovering from any break up is hard when BPD is in the mix it seems all that much harder.

Red5 it has taken me roughly 6 months to begin to put my relationship with my undiagnosed lover in perspective.  Day by day I am on the mend and as time goes by I feel I am healing more and more.  There was so much potential in the relationship it was very difficult to let it go.  I can certainly understand why you have stuck it out.



Wicker Man

assuming she is in a relationship - if we go with this - my interpretation is that her new partner feels secure/indifferent about her having those pictures up - if that wasnt the case, theyd be gone straight away. Its not the honeymoon period for nothing - everything is done to adapt to our own unique personalities. My ex perceived I didnt like to hear stories about how "messed up" shed became from her ex before me. I never heard a single thing ever again, he became 'dead' to her.

If she hasnt got a partner, those pictures will help to give her soothing in times she feels emotionally empty - its a very traumatic time where without some sort of connection - you literally cease to exist if there is nothing to provide evidence to the contrary.

It could equally just be a marketing strategy to leverage the snapshots of success of your time together to make her more appealing in her dating efforts. This is what I had before - this is what you can look forward to - theres nothing crazy in any of this to be concerned about.

Just theorising but Im inclined to go with what Wicker Man has answered;

"no one can know"

this is the sort of mental quick sand you enter with so much of trying to make sense of every nuance of their behaviour. For instance, she could simply be in hospital and not able to alter her facebook and its been left open.

Got another update.

Had a mesage on WhatsApp today-
Telling me she’s been really ill had pneumonia, kidney infection this that and the other then I can’t see rest of the mesage as I’ve not opened it. She’s then sent me another one asking me when I’m around visiting after two weeks of no reply when she’s been online.
It’s like they know when you are starting to move on?

lsmw88, easier said than done i know, but try to stay centered here.

i mentioned to you previously i thought it was pretty likely shed contact you, speculation im not usually inclined to make. why? why wouldnt she? the two of you are on good terms. friendly. something happened in her life (pneumonia and a kidney infection will do it) that distracted her, and now shes gotten back in touch. this is par for the course in post relationship contact if things are on reasonably good terms.

do you intend to reply?

I love your quote, Wicker Man... .thank you for this. Very inspiring.