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My mom sent me another "suicide" note this morning. This time it outlines what a horrible person I am. I'm not sure how to not take it personally.

Hi SaraYo,

You said your mom sent you another "suicide" note this morning. What exactly do you mean with this, is your mother threatening to take her own life? Is suicidal ideation something your mother has been struggling with?

Being told that you are a horrible person isn't pleasant at all, especially not coming from your own mother. What kind of contact do you currently have with your mother?

It's hard when a parent leans on you in such a way.

What is the back story? What is driving this dysfunctional outreach?

Hi SaraYo,

It sounds like this isn't the first suicide threat by your mom, how do you typically respond to these threats?

Can you expand on your story a little more?  What does your relationship with your mom currently look like?  Do you live together? Apart? Is your dad in the picture at all?  Siblings? Just trying to get a better feel for your situation.

Hope to hear more from you,
Panda39

It sounds like you may be taking it personally. I think it would be frustrating and frightening to receive such a note.  Maybe it's ok to take it personally, being accused and being made to feel responsible for your mother's feelings. 

What's going on,  and has how did you get past this in the past?

Hi, SaraYo. I’m sorry that you’re being subjected to this burden. You’ve brought your burden to a supportive place here. Many of us have walked in similar shoes. They hurt our feet.  It is not ok for your mother to depend on you in this way. It’s not ok for her to try to force you into being her rescuer.

Looking back, while you were growing up, did it feel like you had to be there for her more than she was there for you, as the actual parent? This isn’t uncommon around here. You’re safely amongst peers here that will relate to you.

I’d like to echo the other members in saying that it must be a heavy load to carry when she tries to say that you’re a horrible person. My guess is that this is projection. Look it up if you’re not familiar with it. Has this type of guilting been going on for a long time?

The best way to deal with what seems like an insincere suicide threat is to take it seriously. You can call 911 and tell the police exactly what she said in her letter, and that you are concerned about her safety. They will go to her house and do a welfare check and likely take her to the hospital.

The danger in interpreting someone's suicide threats as fake is that you never really can know, so responding to it seriously serves two purposes: 1) the person will get help if they really are suicidal and 2) if they are faking it for attention they will know they've crossed a line and future attempts will get them an ambulance ride to the hospital.

Everytime she calls suicide you call an ambulance. Whether she means it or not,. second what is she hoping to achieve by sending these notes and is she achieving it