BPDFamily.com

Back in Illinois now... .recap... . I've been on here before... .BPD ex in Las Vegas.

I was with her off and on 8 years... .recently came back to Illinois last thanksgiving, had a major accident, ended up staying in Illinois away from her for five months (she lives in Vegas)... .Went back to Vegas to try to mend things ... .again. That’s the second time I left Vegas and spent months away... .at her request... .

But of course... .after she told me to leave, she accused me of abandoning her and started seeing others... .anyway. I went back Vegas around mid-April. She told me she needed to see that I was stable and had a job etc. before meeting up... .ok... . I understood that ... .so I waited a few weeks to even contact her... .got myself stable , job, housing etc... .then she agreed to meet me for dinner... .she insisted on paying... .said she didn’t want to owe me anything... .

then we start talking dating after a few more weeks... .then I needed a place for my drums, so she agree to let me use her garage to store my stuff and have a place to practice... .and pay her for it by doing yardwork, helping with stuff etc... .I said fine... .this will give us a consistent basis to work together on stuff and enjoy some time together... .

about two weeks into this arrangement, I had told her I would come over after church on Sunday... .well... .around 2:30 (before I had a chance to eat some lunch and even contact her to make a plan for the afternoon)… I start getting the all familiar evil texts, accusing me of doing drugs and blowing her off etc... .so she moved all my stuff out to the curb... .lots of expensive gear just trashed and on her curb for the drifters to steal... .

and then when I came over to pick it up and talk to he... .all doors are locked and she refused to even come out and try to talk... .whatever... .few weeks go by and we try it again... .

oh , and she had also told me she hadn’t seen the " other man " since I got back to town, but then I found out they had been spending time out flying drones etc... .she flat out lied... .

fast forward... .I tried one more time with the practicing in here garage in return for help around the yard... .and of course... .the first time I wasn’t there when she ASSUMED I would be... .she flipped out and curbed my belongings again... .

so I finally said screw it and just left her alone for several weeks... .then I find out she started seeing the " drone man " again... .so I just left her alone... .

suddenly a great job opened up back in Illinois... . and I tried to talk to her and tell her that I had come all the way back to Vegas for her twice, and been :cursing: upon both times... .and that I had a great job opportunity back home, and that if she wanted me to stay in Vegas to work things out, that I would pass up this great job and stay , but that she had to give me some reassurance that she would stop kicking me out and trashing my stuff... .

she couldn’t do it and raged at me... .so... .I left... .the next morning, I loaded my car and left for Illinois, got the job... .I love this job... .I am near loving supportive family, and I even have a great place for my dog, (whom she hated ... .which is ironic because she is a dog trainer and loves every other dog on the planet ... .except mine ... .what a b :cursing: )... .anyway... .

I stayed marginally in contact with her for about 6 weeks... .then one day she flat out asked me if I was still in Vegas... .at first I said " not at the moment"... .then after a few more texts ... .I laid it all out there and told her I had left town because she really showed not interest in even listening to me to have a conversation about it and that had lied and was seeing someone else anyway... .so I took my best shot at success without her... .

of course, then she accused me of deceiving her... .told me I broke her heart... .and to never ever contact her again... .now it’s been a week since then... .and she even texted me " I was going to move forward anyway "... .I assume meaning with this other guy... .whatever... .I’m disgusted just thinking about what a total slut she must be and I never wanted to think that... .but it’s probably true... .

anyway... .my job is great... .people around me like me and treat me with respect and dignity... .yet I still want to reach out to her... .but then I remember all the times she hit me... .but me... .broke my stuff... .locked me out... .cut my clothes with scissors, called the cops and lied, set me dogs loose after taking off their collars on purpose and calling me to say "hurry up and find your dogs before they get hit by a car "... .you know loving little nuggets like that... .

and I honestly want to find her and slap the crap out of her... .but no I wouldn't really do that... .I still care and just want to let her know I care... .and then I wonder... .maybe I'm the one with BPD... .even after all this time and anguish she has caused me... .maybe it WAS all my fault... .but I know it wasn’t... .so that's where it is now.

I’m locked into this job for one year... .I took it knowing full well I would not be able to go back to Vegas for at least a year... .and myself preservation kicked in and said " its the best thing for you right now. " get involved with something you love ... .very far from her "... .hopefully I did the right thing... .I’m afraid she will never contact me again... .and I’m also afraid that she WILL contact me after she’s screwed a bunch of others who dump her and she’s lonely... .so ... .any way you slice it... .I’m still screwed up over this whole thing... .

The floor is open for comments.

Thanks

 :hi: dumpsterdog,

Wow, that's a lot for you to process.  That's quite a few painful situations.  But, it sounds like you have put yourself in a good position to move forward on your own.  Congratulations on getting a job you love.  That's awesome.  And to have supportive people around you is great, too.   

Based on what has happened previously, there is a good chance she will contact you.  So what's your plan if she does contact you? 

Wishing you blessings and peace,

Mustbeabetterway

If she does... I hope i have the strength to say. ".im glad youre are alive, now... go to hell."

Just as you predicted... .she contacted via text today... and just said " hi... .I hope you are ok... "

I responded with a smiley face icon and left it at that... .It was nice to know she reached out... .and also nice to not really have anything to say , but a gesture of kindness.!

Hi there, it sounds like definite push and pull.  You were pushed states away and now is the reach out to potentially pull you back.

The important thing is to center yourself and take time to evaluate what you want and continue working toward more of what you want.  This will probably be easier for you to do since you are far away and since you have supportive people where you currently are living.

Likely, she may follow up with additional texts, possibly provoking text, since a smiley face wasn't what she wanted I'm guessing.

Best to prepare yourself that more texts will follow.  Remember, it is your choice to respond or not and how you will respond.


How do you plan to respond , or not respond, to future attempts at contact?

Peace and blessings,

Mustbeabetterway

Hey DD, I agree with Mustbe: it's likely you'll hear from her again.  Forewarned is forearmed, my friend, so get ready for the next attempt to engage.

I have a question: why put yourself through another round of push/pull?  Only you know when it's time to get off the roller coaster.

LuckyJim

Hi DD... .they reach out to test the waters and see how much power they can still have over you. Mine did it a few days ago after a 3.5 months of NC. It took a lot not to answer his calls but glad I didn't. Remain strong and if you have not blocked her yet maybe it's time you do

Right, SerendipityChild.  They throw out a few crumbs to see if the Non will still take the bait, which one could say is an unhealthy form of control because they are not really invested in the outcome and are just trying to keep the Non on the hook -- just in case.

LJ

We had a brie email exchange... .pretty much here telling me she'd wanted to trust me, but now she cant trust and i've proved i wont be there for her... .I replied " I tried to be there for you many times, and i feel like i was punished for it."

That was the last thing that was said by either of us...

I've resigned myself i cant control her thoughts or feeling,s but i can make sure she doesn't control mine.