|
Title: She has steadily been changing the words she used to say Post by: nedley on September 19, 2018, 02:47:22 PM Here is a situation I could use help with. Despite the constant need of reassurance that I love my BPDgf I noticed she has steadily been changing the words she used to say (like love you have a good day when I leave for work) and even when we text she no longer uses loving words as she used to, not that it would bother me but if I did this she would provably have an episode (not at the moment but it would lead to it) if I for whatever reason forget to use loving words toward her.
I'm working on taking the advise of not taking what she does/say personally? That is tough for Me some times. Title: Re: She has steadily been changing the words she used to say Post by: Skip on September 19, 2018, 02:59:38 PM Can you focus this in a bit more?
Does she not say "love" as much? at all? How often do you say it? Title: Re: She has steadily been changing the words she used to say Post by: nedley on September 20, 2018, 10:51:28 AM Can you focus this in a bit more? Does she not say "love" as much? at all? How often do you say it? I have to say it or she will think I don't, there is no way out of that one for now. She used to say it by text quite a bit but mostly she was nicer on text and now seems like is delivering information. It doesn't bother me other than I know something is brewing when that happens. She texted me today (I've been at my house last couple days after being at hers for about a month) asking if I'm upset with her, she had just left for work after spending the night with me, she could certainly have asked me that while she was with me but didn't and I'm not upset I just really have things to do at my house and don't believe I should be at hers so much unless it was something we agreed on. Is this what they call devaluating? Thanks for reading. Title: Re: She has steadily been changing the words she used to say Post by: Skip on September 20, 2018, 11:06:07 AM It doesn't bother me other than I know something is brewing when that happens. It often helps to look at normal relationship dynamics and human nature first, before looking for the pathology. There is a relationship issue. You were there for a month and left - she could be trying to sort out if you just had things to do - she's not getting a clear signal from you. Could she be sensing that the "physical intimacy" issue has you re-evaluating the relationship and she is feeling vulnerable? You are both in a tough place. Title: Re: She has steadily been changing the words she used to say Post by: nedley on September 20, 2018, 08:09:56 PM That is possible but I spoke with her about it and explained I have to do things at my house and it works best if I stay there. I provably should have said something about me returning though.
I did not retaliate for the lack of intimacy, I really do enjoy being with her. Some times it is just a lot to take, I'm doing my best to be supportive and stable for her but I have responsibilities only I can take care of and when she needs my help I'm always there. Thank You for Your response. |