BPDFamily.com

I have a friend who is trained in EMDR. She knows about my H's diagnosis and has offered to give me free EMDR sessions. I've been considering taking her up on the offer to help me recover from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone with BPD. Or maybe to deal with the attachment issues that caused me to stay in a relationship with someone with BPD. Not sure which way to go.

Have any of you ever gone through EMDR for anything like this?

TH,
I say go for it! What a wonderful opportunity, and with a trusted friend.

I did EMDR for a variety of issues--one of which was dealing with my difficult BPD mother.

It gave me space and flexibility in how I responded. Highly recommend.

Cat

I have done EMDR therapy and it helped me more than anything in moving forward from a life time of family abuse. It was very destabilizing at first and my therapist had to increase my session from one hour to 90 minutes, which is actually the normal time for an EMDR session.
My therapist no longer does EMDR because of how it destabilizes clients. The key for me was to have a long enough session so the therapist could put me back together before I left the room. When doing shorter sessions, I was spaced out, lost, and in emotional pain for sometimes up to a week.
Do not let your friend give you EMDR. Getting therapy from a friend is considered an ethics violation and can lead to a therapist losing their license. I know a woman who got EMDR therapy from a friend, and that was the end of the friendship.
You can find a EMDR therapist in your area by googling EMDR. There are many qualified therapists and therapists in training can give you a real break on the cost. Oftentimes therapists in training are better than the licensed ones.
Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.

TH, I hear EMDR is effective for many situations although my T does not personally use it.  I would certainly try it if it was offered.

Be well.  Recovering from the abuse of a pwBPD takes effort.      

https://mindspasarasota.com/managing-ptsd-with-reset-therapy/

I've done this.  It was amazing.

I have been told since doing this, by therapists that don't to either therapy, that RESET looks "kinda like" EMDR.

I've never done EMDR so... not sure.

The quick version.  Sound is on and you start "playing the movie" in your head, although you aren't "playing the bad part".  So... .let's say you  crashed an airplane.  You start by playing just before the crash or something like that.

Anyway... .your eyes are closed and the T is looking for "physical signs" while the sound is being changed.   Once the T finds the change, the sound is moved off and back on several times to verify the setting that "gets" to the memory.  Once that has been verified... ."red and free"... .you start playing the entire memory start to finish, start to finish... start to finish and then at some point it begins to be hard to "play".

Once you can't "see" the memory anymore you kinda signal the T and move on to another memory... .and another. 

If I remember right 10-15 min of talk, 10-15 min of sound, 10-15 min of talk was a standard session.

For me, my reaction was a smaller subset of the population. 

Most people get instant relief.  I was "worn out".  Next day (or day after... I forget) was full of almost uncontrollable weeping, then I felt massive relief the day after that.

The hard thing to explain is that the memories are still there, but talking about them is like mentioning something you read in the paper for the first time, vice something that "really matters" to you.

FF

That's interesting. I'll have to look into the destabilzing effect. I haven't heard that before.

FF that's a great description of talking about something but more like you are reading it in the paper. So it sounds like RESET created some detachement between your emotions and the PTSD.

A friend who had severe PTSD from combat did EMDR and loved it! It really helped with his symptoms.

Somehow... the memories are "stuck" on top of each other in the "amygdala"  (hope I spelled that right).

The RESET... .gets things moving again.

Obviously a non medical explanation.

FF 

Dear TH-

I don’t know whether you’ve made your decision about EMDR yet or not, but I wanted to say a few things.  I read about this method of therapy quite some time ago.  At the time, I thought it may be too much for me to relive the two earlier life-altering events I was thinking of targeting. 

In reference to using it for my BPD relationship, I wondered how EMDR could help me with abuse I was still enduring.  I didn’t understand how I could “get over” what I was immersed in.  I’m not sure if anyone else has addressed that or not?

I completely agree with Zachira in that I would not engage in this type of therapy with a friend.  It’s just a line of intensity that may be too slippery to cross.

Wishing you strength in whichever path toward healing you choose.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

When I did EMDR, it was completely “content-less”.  My therapist could observe externals: my facial expression, my breathing, my skin coloration, etc., but she had no idea what I was thinking and feeling—that was completely private, nor did she need to know.

RESET was "without content" as well.  Certainly I had talked to the T about some of the events, but while the sound was playing, I was focused on "playing the tape" in my head.

FF