BPDFamily.com

Hi,

Last February, at the height of the NC with my mother and the FOG and emotional distancing that came with it, I was ill with a severe rhinitis for a week.
I ended up with a busted eardrum and permanent loss of hearing.

This morning, I got up to go to work. At least, I tried. H gently turned me around and told me to get back to bed. I did not protest.
I had the onset of a migraine attack. That's what happens when you shove away all emotions for 4 days and just keep going.
I am also into week 4 of trying to get rid of what should have been a simple head cold I caught from the kids.
It has gotten steadily worse. From a head cold to severe rhinitis and now a nasty cough.

For 3 weeks I have been forging along, headstrong. Not listening to my body. Trying to keep it all together at work, and at home.
I have been putting myself under severe stress from all sides, always pushing on and on.

I am going to listen to DH, my colleagues at work, and my body. I am going to take time of work.
Not to get things done at home (I was planning on cleaning up the attic this month), but to take care of me.

I have a hard time with even the simplest of self-care: brushing my teeth on a daily basis for example.
I vigilantly watch over the kids' teeth, but I often skip brushing my own. It's just not worth the effort?

Have any of you hit physical limits on your road to healing? How have you handled it? How did you get out of it?
And how about the physical self-care? Eating healthy, excercise, sleep routine ... .
I seem to have a lack of self-respect for my own body. Which is rather stupid, as it's the only one I've got.

Thank you for reading and sharing,

Libra.

Yes, Libra, it is all connected.

Please do take good care of yourself. Seriously, you must. Don’t do what I did. I was in a similar situation last year and pushed myself too far. I ended up with severe pinkeye in both eyes, a sinus infection and severe ear infection. It got scary fast once the pinkeye started. I could not even open my eyes by the time I got to the doctor. At that point, I was forced into a 3 day rest period with antibiotics for my eyes, antibiotics for my ear and sinus medicine.

If you don’t take care of yourself, your body WILL force it on you eventually.

You are important and worthy of good self care. Do it, my sister.

Sending you love, gentle hugs and smiles. You can do this.

  L2T

Libra,

I'm glad you are finally taking time for YOURSELF - keep going and never feel guilt over it - never. Like you, I have a parent with (undiagnosed) BPD, and I was very co-dependent in my 20s (now I'm 49), so I always strived to please others, no matter what it took, and neglected myself. Even though my co-dependency is nothing compared to what it was back then, I was so used to neglecting myself, that I continued putting myself last in my 30s & 40s, until recently, when it caught up to me like it did for you. It's hard to break habits - even though I have a wonderful 2nd husband that constantly reminds me to take care of myself first, I had this habit of neglecting myself - you'd think it would've gotten better when I was no longer around most the people who I was a 'source' for, and after I understood the dynamics, but it only became worse.

Now that I'm almost 50, my body cannot handle the physical neglect as well as it used to. It's a good thing that I was very healthy & athletic most of my life, because I know for a fact that if I had not been, I would not have lasted this long. Unfortunately, I let things get really bad before I forced myself to stop at least one thing - I very recently had to force myself to start eating better because I have some severe health issues due to not eating right alone, and still have to work on several more things, so I understand what you are going through.

You mentioned brushing your teeth - SAME HERE! I used to brush my teeth 2 or 3 times a day and now, I don't even brush them that much in 2 weeks. Showering is another issue I'm working on (I have depression & PTSD) also. The ironic thing is that I have the knowledge of HOW to take care of myself and the consequences of not doing so, but did not apply it due to putting myself last, even when I didn't need to. That shows how tough it is to get out of the habit of neglecting oneself, so on that note, please realize that you cannot let any amount of guilt ruin it, and know that you have to be very strict and force yourself to take care of YOU, FIRST - don't make exceptions, fight hard against it. It's very difficult to be "selfish" when you are used to being the opposite, but your life could depend on it.

One thing that helped me to put myself first, was the realization that some of my loved ones (not my husband, but other very close family) would blame and shame me if I were to become hospitalized or die due to neglecting my health - they wouldn't sympathize or empathize with me or for me, they would say that it's my own fault for not taking care of myself - they would not think about all the times in the past where I put them first.(Which is not their fault, as I am the one who decided to put them first) This scenario has run through my mind many times: I'm laying in a hospital bed near death, and my close family members there at my bedside bitching & yelling at me for not taking care of myself because it hurts 'their' feelings that I will be dead. But in the past, it was okay for me to neglect myself, according to them, even a noble thing, but not now, when it affects them negatively.

Another thing that helps to want to put yourself first is to think of what a 'normal' parent would want for their child (not the way you were brought up by BPD parent)/ what you would want for your child - and take care of yourself accordingly - you would not want to see your own child neglect themselves, so don't neglect your self. Taking great care of yourself is important for your own children to see and understand, so they will grow up learning it is important.

 But as adults, we are all responsible for ourselves & actions, so remember that, to help you have another good reason to put yourself first. Putting yourself first can also mean to listen to yourself & how you feel - If, at the time of your family gathering, you feel being near your Mother will trigger something in you that you can't yet control the way you'd like, then don't go, or go, but avoid her and see the people you want to see then leave without staying long. Preparing mentally for what could happen at the party does help, if you decide to go. If you do not go, and you worry about others wondering why you aren't there, if asked, just tell them you had something extremely important to do, but you don't have to tell them that the important task which made you miss the gathering was taking care of yourself, that is your business, and it's not a fib, it IS important.

Good Luck to you, and please know that many people here understand what you are going through, and can truly empathize.

I have to apologize for the ending of my previous post - I had read your post and another one in succession, and got you mixed up with the other person - I thought you were the one who was going to a family gathering. I deleted a bit of my post afterwards, but forgot the last paragraph, and now it's too late to edit.

Sorry about that. In addition, you had asked about how others deal with self care - I understand how hard that is to overcome. One thing that helps me is baby steps - one small step in the right direction can really get the ball rolling. Recently, when I forced myself to eat better, that alone has really helped my outlook and helped my procrastination with fixing my other issues like sleeping. I went to the store and bought the foods I should be eating, and made myself a promise that I would never touch the foods that were causing my symptoms again. I even told my H to not buy certain things at the store for me anymore. And in just 2 days of eating better made me feel better physically and mentally, when the week previous to that, I had been very weak, in pain, & nauseous.

I was so excited for accomplishing 2 days of eating right that it gave me the strength and confidence to make sure I got enough sleep the day after that. After sleeping for only a couple hours, I got up, and started to fall into my old habits, then I thought to myself that I am going to keep going since I was on a good roll taking better care of myself, so I told myself that I had the time and there was nothing more important than getting proper rest, so I went back to bed - I woke up more than 8 hours later and was shocked at how long I slept. Sleeping really helped with my outlook & energy to keep me going. After 1 night of good sleep, I ate healthy again the next day, and slept like a normal person the next night, and I feel better than I have in a very, very long time. Since I wasnt so tired, I had the energy to do even more things for myself, I even took a shower.

Take some B vitamins to help with low energy levels-
Another thing that I have not been doing is taking vitamins, which is really bad when a person does not eat right. I sat down and thought of what I had been eating (before I started eating healthy foods), and I realized that one of the reasons why I felt so awful and could not find the energy to help myself was most likely due to vitamin deficiencies. I had ran out of vitamins 2 years ago and never bought more (I had taken vitamins all my life). Except, I found a brand new bottle  of a mixture of B vitamins (B complex, with each pill containing several different types of Vitamin B) that I had bought for my husband then forgot about them, they had recently expired, but after taking them for 2 days I felt a huge difference - like how people feel when they get a B-12 shot or drink 5 hour energy.

Not taking care of ourselves snowballs into more & more problems, but it is very true that doing just one thing can lead to more changes for the better. Each change you make will give you a better & different outlook, and will enable you to continue more easily, so keep telling yourself that forcing yourself to take that first step is the hardest part. Also, posting on the messageboard here at bpdfamily can help - Just the act of telling others that you are striving to make changes for the better, it helps you to stick to your plan.

Good Luck to you!

L2T,

Thank you for your reply. I will take your advice to heart.
I have just notified work that I will be absent for 2 weeks.
Not an easy thing to decide for a free-lancer.
I have told my children that I am taking time off so that I can heal properly and that taking care of ones self is important.
I hope the lesson will stick with them 

Keep taking care of yourself, and keep pedaling forward!

 
Libra

Peachtree487,

Thank you for your post. Though it is sad, it is also a comfort to know that I am not the only one struggling with these things.
It sounds like you are making great progress... .you can be proud of yourself! 

I often start out with well with good intentions. I have a harder time following through.
I tend to start off over-zealous: from not brushing teeth to brushing them for 5 minutes twice a day, for example.
That is a clear set-up for failure of course, and the slightest hick-up will get my inner critic to overdrive and make me give up.
But you have given me a new drive to strive for better for myself.
I will start making some positive changes today, keeping in mind that small changes that last are far better than temporary huge leaps.

Keep taking care,
Libra.

Libra, I was so happy to read this post this morning. Yay for you! And for the lesson you are teaching your kiddos.  

Yes, yes, yes to pedaling forward.

  L2T

Libra,

I am celebrating something: that you listened to your body.   It doesn't matter to me that it took some time or extra sickness. You are beginning to hear what your inner ones have been saying, even if it takes others pointing it out to you. How many times I have been there too, and finally I am getting better at it as well. You truly are dealing with the effects of what we learned as children, that we were not allowed to stop. It's for insanity making imho, and a driving force that is relentless and hard to stop. But you did stop!

Rest well,
 
Wools