BPDFamily.com

I have a B who has a son who is in his 30s.  The nephew's mother was a drug addict and alcoholic who left while her son was an infant.  She never saw her son nor the boy's father again.  B raised the son alone and never had another romantic RS, never even dating.

B lives with his adult son together in a very nice home.  S dropped out college more than 10 years ago and has not worked in 8 years; S quit his job as a busboy while in his 20s.  S is addicted to live fantasy gaming and spends much of his time at these games.  When he is not doing so, he is playing online games or on his $1000 phone (which his father bought for him) on social media. Outside of gaming, S has no friends and his father spends all of his free time with S.   S stays up all hours inventing new characters for gaming.

S is very sensitive to criticism  (socially awkward and shy, obese) and gets defensive to any mention of a return to college or work.  B defends his S in saying he has "health concerns," but this does not prevent S from walking all day at fantasy conventions or costume competitions which cost hundreds of dollars. B pays to have his S fly around the country to these events.  

S has a "goth" persona in which he wears eyeliner and wears black nail polish, has dyed his long hair bright colors--one month blue, next month orange.  He dresses all in black every single day.  He listens to death metal music and has a home studio with expensive musical instruments that his F has bought him, making plans to make it big as a rock musician.  When not in the studio, S is gaming.

B has a part-time job but spends all of his free time with S.  B drives this 30-something young man all over town buying clothes, shopping for music supplies or gaming items.  

Does this sound like BPD, AVPD or both?  I know BPD can be comorbid with other PDs.  This is breaking my heart.  My nephew has a serious problem and his F is an enormous enabler.

Can you explain what you mean by AVPD and why you think your nephew might have it?

Avoidant?

S sounds like an overgrown child and B enabled him into this in order to provide for his own emotional needs. 

With the information on this site, it appears to be a great amount of emotional incest, which is a factor in many PDs.

The S appear to be avoidant because he is terrified of criticism and rejection, self soothing with food and games, and can't even attend college or find a job.  B appears to be reinforcing this and even enjoying, in an unhealthy way, the S's dependency.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=196073.0

Have you looked at Schizoid PD? A Schizoid PD has no interest in relationships with others. A big red flag for Schizoid PD is they are still virgins at a very advanced age, and have never had a relationship. An Avoidant PD does want to have relationships with others and is really very afraid of relationships. With mental illness, often there are several mental disorders not just one or two.

You mentioned emotional incest which was what I was thinking.  One wonders how such grown children will function when the enabling or enmeshing parent is unable to fill the "adult" role any longer. 

Being a latchkey and often parentified kid,  I fall on the other end of that spectrum. 

H was also a latchkey as a child.  FIL was too busy working the minimum he could at a low-paying job (so he could spend the rest of his time fishing, hunting and golfing) and MIL was also sent out into the workforce to make money to be at FIL's disposal for his hobbies.  What is really odd is that MIL, a real enabler, thought FIL put her on a pedestal.

In reality, MIL was her H's work horse, leaving the young children at home alone while she brought in more money for her H.