BPDFamily.com

Does anyone have stories of a loved one with both bipolar disorder and BPD? I thought my husband was just bipolar, but with his most recent manic episode, BPD has come out too. It’s confusing me, because BPD seems to stem from deep-seated fears in the individual. But in his mania, he also seems to believe he knows the answer to everything and can do no wrong. He actually told me today that he used to live his life in fear, but no more. We’re skating on the edge of divorce, with his viewpoint on it changing almost every day. One day he says he wants to be with me until his last breath. The next he says I should draw up the divorce papers. It seems the only way our relationship could work, in his viewpoint, is if I do a “complete 180” and change myself. It’s true that I’ve not had affection for him for some time and my focus is our 2 young children. I’m exhausted.

Bipolar and BPD are sometimes hard to tell apart.

Usually BPDs rapidly cycle back and forth quickly, sometimes within hours.  I understand bipolar cycles last for days.

Best to talk to a doctor about this.  Be well and practice self care.

Hi Duckie

You might find this discussion interesting: 
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=162165.0  It is a discussion about comorbidity of BPD and Bipolar

A lot of times it is easier to focus on the behaviors rather than the specific diagnosis.  Having said that, is your husband on meds for his bipolar?  Is he compliant with taking them?

Thanks for your input and the link to the thread. For a while, I’ve considered my husband bipolar. He shuns conventional mental health practices, and he would never comply with a psychiatric evaluation and definitely would not consider medication. It’s been only recently, when we saw a marriage counselor who specializes in personality disorders, that I started to consider BPD. He seems to fit the criteria for BPD over the past month or so, which also correlates with the mania.

I think it’s good advice to focus on the behavior and not necessarily get bogged down with the diagnoses.

Thanks again. I’m very new to the site, and it feels like a new lifeline.

My mother is both diagnosed as Bipolar but shows BPD behavioral traits.  I kinda divide it like this - I see bipolar disorder as being predominantly a chemical imbalance in the brain, that contributes to the BPD behavior by coloring the world even more than BPD alone does.

Mom would have highs, lows, mania and deep depressions, all while acting out pretty common Waif/Queen perpetual victim in charge BPD mother behavior.  Her treatment of me was inconsistent, and based on her emotional needs at the time - I was smothered, made into a clone of her, or completely ignored and had to fend for myself.  Feast or famine.  She was likely to spur my dad into a violent rage so she could have a fight (he was diagnosed with manic-depression in the 80s, plus he, too, had many BPD traits) which often turned very violent. 

I think with PDs, the treat-the-symptom approach is all you can really do - they manifest in different ways with each person, and while there is a common thread, what works for one PD might not work as well in your household.  The tools are useful but are also subjective in how well you can use them and when it's appropriate to use them.  Validation is good for any communication.  So is SET or other tools, they help you respond with empathy to all people, so the name of the issue is not quite as important as the way you can wrk on how your reactions can fuel fires.

I will say if you can treat the bipolar swings, the BPD may be less frantic.  When I can get H's physical health better, his moods are better.  When I can get him to sleep on time, eat on time, and keep his anxiety low, it helps the BPD.  Pick and choose what you can work on, improving one small things can do a lot more than you'd think.