BPDFamily.com

After 4 months of NC, I reached out and I told her that I still had feelings. She told me that she does not love me anymore. That even if she rages for 1 week at my replacement, he is still caring ( to all of you who were wondering if the replacement has it better than us, i guess not). I think it helped me get closure about all this. I ended it by saying that if she changes her mind, my door is still open and to take care of herself. It took me 4 months to get over my pride and message her.

Getting past pride and sharing your true feelings sounds healthy.  Now that she's responded, what are your thoughts about the future for you?

RC

Move on. I can do nothing than just move on.

Yah, but how do you *feel* I'm asking because I'm in the same spot, just started no contact. I feel broken. Sad. Hopeless. No future. Some times I feel sort if normal though  (middle of workday, sometimes after dinner, etc.) Moving on to me feels like some sort of betrayal (of her, me, my dream of happiness, who knows). Ick in the whole process though it may be the only thing you csn do.

I had to get distance my thoughts and feelings were close to 24/7 and it was hard to function.

I feel the exact same things.  I feel so sad that my partner can just move on so easily and not think about me at all.  Like I never mattered.

I feel like a drug addict trying to contact the supplier.  Strange analogy but based on an element of truth.

Hi alex287,


I'm sorry to hear that she's in a r/s with someone else you probably already know that a pwBPD can't see someone as an integrated whole with good and bad qualities they see you as either one of the other slowly over time that perfect image about us that a pwBPD retain in their mind changes from all good to all bad.

Obviously if she's raging at him he's doing something, maybe she feels invalidated or her abandonment fears are triggered it could be a number of things justified or unjustified but regardless of the hurtful things that he's doing or perceived hurtful things he is still split white in her mind that's why says that regardless of what she's doing she sees him as all good there's a really good article here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0) check 2010's post.

My point is that you've told her about how you feel she knows this when their hits a rough patch and she feels like she's going to be abandoned real or perceived she'll probably reach out to you knowing that you still have feelings. What will you do?

How do I feel ?

I feel great honestly. It was something that I wanted to say for a long time. It gets better. It is sad to say, but we get used to their absence. Sometimes, we don't get a second chance and I accepted it. She has still not blocked me or removed me from her friends list on the games that we play on.


What will I do if she reaches out in the future?

I don't know honestly. I told her that if I am still single we shall see. I read a lot of people saying to run  away. In my case, we only dated for 3 months. I did not experience the rage. Being left in the idolizing phase is very confusing.

Hey alex287, Her response seems quite clear, which I view as a good thing because she didn't even throw you a crumb.  Time to move on, my friend.  Suggest you acknowledge your feelings as they arise and then let them pass through you.  If I could make another suggestion, it would be to avoid projecting about the future and what you might do if, and that's a big IF, she reaches out.

LuckyJim

Hi alex287,


I'm not trying to give you a hard time you have probably read stories from other members and if the opportunity to get back together arises you can save yourself from a lot of grief and pain. I agree with Lucky Jim  spend time with friends and family, do things that you like, find hobbies if you don't have one, exercise, do a lot of self-care and move on