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Title: my first post, 28yson, therapy all his life, the wrong therapy I'm now learning Post by: lovingwhatis on October 30, 2018, 08:12:50 AM Our 28 year old son has had many mental health diagnoses over the years including Turrettes, bi polar, mood disorder, attachment disorder and BPD. He also deals with issues stemming from being transgendered and adopted. We had a 'last straw' moment this week and I was ready to cut ties completely when I began to truly study BPD. Our son has been in therapy since he was 2 years old and we've never had a mental health professional sit us down and explain what BPD was and how to manage it. We've been paying $600 a month for outpatient therapy for years, as well as thousands for psychiatric care and medication, and now I'm seeing that this type of therapy is ineffective for BPD. So I'm here to learn, to contribute, to get support for me and my husband, daughter and other family members as we set difficult limits for our own well being.
Title: Re: my first post Post by: Huat on October 30, 2018, 04:24:54 PM Hello Lovingwhatis, and welcome. :hi:
It can be interesting to look at the moniker someone chooses for themselves. Sometimes I will try to read between the lines and visualize the make-up of that person. After all you have gone through (are going through!), you have chosen... ."Lovingwhatis." Hmmmmm? So... .I'm surmising... .discouraged and worn out but, by all means, not broken. You write... ."I'm here to learn, to contribute, to get support for me and my husband, daughter and other family members as we set difficult limits for our well being." What a great introduction! Indeed, at this stage of the game you realize that there will be no quick fixes. There will be no one to tell you of a "magic button" to push that will turn all around. Nope... .not going to happen! You certainly have come to the right place, though, to "learn/contribute/get-support." What works for some, doesn't work for others. Trial and error... .but always putting one foot in front of the other... .sometimes finding you have to turn down another path. A lot of the healing for me came in the writing... .seeing my hurts in words... .then reading and re-reading my words. I knew I was the only one who could make decisions for me but along the way I got messages from others, filled with much-needed support and validation. Gotta tell ya... .feels good to reach out and help others, too. That, at times, can help to take one's focus off oneself - giving a bit of a break. Of course my heart goes out to you... .but also for your son. His start in life was not a good one... .so many problems. Lucky for him, though, to have come into the folds of a loving-forever-family. With all that said, I'm sure you know that feeling sorry for him is not the answer. As hard as it can be, tough love is sometimes the best love. I sincerely hope, that no matter what happens, you stay secure in the knowledge that you (and your family) have done (and are doing) the best you can to help him through life. So... .hope you keep sharing with us because there are others walking in similar shoes and it is helpful for them to read your posts. What has been happening with your son and what "limits" are you considering? Huat (By the way... ."Huat"... .? When I came on board here, we had just come back from a vacation in Huatulco Mexico. Not much to read between lines there, huh? Title: Re: my first post Post by: Merlot on October 31, 2018, 07:13:38 PM Hi lovingwhatis
Along with Huat, I welcome you here. Im glad you reached out at that critical point. Wow, you have been through so much but your commitment to your son and your love fir him really shines through. I came here 10 months ago in crisis with my DD27 who was diagnosed with BPD three years ago. I have spent much time learning both here on the board and in reading a number of books. I can highly recommend "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Manning, and also "I hate you, dont leave me". The first some great insights based on DBT and the second, great imsights into a range of diagnoses and DBT and treatment programmes. I hope you have good support around you and keep coming to share. Take very good care of yourself. Merlot |