BPDFamily.com

So as i've said in my previous post my BPDbf has lost his jobs and cant seem to find a stable one. He is having huge money issues now because he used the last of his savings money to go to Hawaii without a job or a plan to come back to. He has lost about 3 jobs within the past year(which ppl gave to him to try to get him back on his feet)  and has left every temp positions with a horrible reputation or being let go. I think i was able to make him realize a cycle in his relationships at work or his relationship in general and that he is the common denominator in every issue. At his last position he started off begging to be employee by a man he thought was GOD and even referred to him as a MASTERED professional. The  started complaining about him (the boss) until he was fired. He began getting into arguments everyday calling him a idiot and saying the boss never listens to him and he has no idea what he is doing. The same exact thing happened with the temp positions he was sent to and the two job he had before . So i warned him at the next job the same exact thing will happen again, its the cycle that you do. He told me NO! now i didn't know what i was talking about and everything was everyone else fault and he works with nothing but idiots. So i said "ok im wrong but i will tell the future for you next job right now and how everything will play out and you can tell me if im wrong in the end". Soo he gets his next temp job and begins to complain again and get into fights and threatens to quit like he alway does and i get the same text message i always get "everybody hates me here" "i made another enemy". And i sit threw it ALL listening and just collecting facts, until he gets to the day where he says to his boss " i can make today my last day and quit right now". I stop him and say " u cant afford to quit ANYTHING right now" Then i bring him back to recognizing his cycle of how everything starts out God like then turns into arguments, no one wants to be around him at work then him threatening to quit on the spot or being fired. He then tries to blame it on everybody else and then i say you forgot one person yourself. i tell him he does this cycle so much i can predict it everytime and it sounds like hes working with the same exact people at every job he goes to, no change in the way he describes the people or the situation! and  if he doesn't see the cycle now idk what to tell him. He got extremely silent. then agreed there is something wrong and says  " i guess you're right". BTW he doesn't admit to having BPD but it was strongly suggested to him by 2 therapist who he hates now. Anyway i express to him that i'm concern with how hes is interacting with his co workers. I admit that everyone has stress at work but it getting very uncomfortable to hear that this is happening to him every place he goes to without fail and something has to change or he will be homeless. and it will get to a point where he wont be able to work at all

So you’ve seen this cycle repeatedly. How is it impacting your life? What do you imagine you will do should it repeat itself again?

I can relate. My wife just went back to work after 4 years at home with the kids. She's been doing all sort of inappropriate things that make me wonder if she was ever capable of holding a job and if she will get fired, or worse, sued. We have two kids and this puts huge stress on me.

Is your own job stable, and do you make enough to support yourself?

~RolandOfEld

I do see this cycle repeating without a doubt. He has ALL the signs of having BPD but denies it. He doesn’t do anything on his own to reflect or work on his mental as a person to get better.

One of my boundaries with him involves money and space. I know better than to let him borrow money or combine our money together in anyway. We don’t even buy stuff for each (I’ve explained the reason for that in one of my last post). He the type of person that will take take take and complain about what he is given then take more. But I make enough to support myself and we live in different apts. He has mentioned many times about when he does eventually lose his apartment that he will come live with me.  But I’ve explained to him that he is allowed to visit 1 or 2 days the most because of the rules he said at the beginning of the relationship (how he never wants to live with anyone) he should understand now if he does lose his apartment that he will move back in with family. But I’m financially safe from him and the only way it effects me is that we can’t go out and do stuff like normal couples do like see a movie or go out for dinner.(but I’m a little ok with it because going out is another issue with him)

It's good that you've put in protective boundaries about his financial irresponsibility.