BPDFamily.com

My Title and site name says it all really !
Who's life, my life, my ex's life with BPD or life with narcissism, the secret life, the wasted life, the confused life, the old life, the new life, the life's learning, the life's journey.  Its all so confusing and I am hoping to learn from others.  I have learnt a lot since the break up that happened 12 months ago after 12 yrs (married for 10).  there was never any professional diagnosis but all the signs where there and eventually I am certain I felt the emptiness, emotional pain, and started to hate myself.Not sure if this was projection or just stress the day to day stress.  However it help me understand more and although I have been through great pain for the loss of my relationship, I dont hate, I have great compassion and sadness.  Sad that I did not fully understand, sad that things ended they way they did but aware that I can heal and sad that ex may not ever.  Life is hard when I think about that but then I get confused as I cant get angry, I am co dependent because although ex has moved on very quickly, became a parent last month ( 11 months after our marriage ended!), I still feel compassion for the person who carries such a devastating illness.  Yes I was in love, but now wonder due to mirroring was I in love with my self( my reflection), was it all false, why didn't I see it, why didn't I understand.  I spent years gripped with emotional fear, why did I trust, why was I so blind?    So many question so few answers, sorry that's all I can post today.  I have read many of your stories and know I am not alone whilst thanking you all for your contributions, they have given me much clarity,   

 :hi: otherlife, welcome!  I’m glad that reading members posts have helped you feel not alone.  I’m also glad you decided to post.  So sorry for the hurt you are going through.  It’s very difficult, I know from experience, to let go of a long term relationship.

I hope that you are taking care of yourself and treating yourself kindly.  This is so important when recovering from a breakup.

We want to trust and see the best in our spouse.  That’s normal.  Was there something in particular that caused you to lose trust? 

Looking forward to hearing more from you,

Mustbeabetterway

hi otherlife, i want to join Mustbeabetterway and say *welcome*

12 years together and 10 years married is a long time, and i can hear how it has pained you over the last 12 months. im glad you reached out.

how did things finally end, and who initiated it? is the divorce finalized?

thats big news that she became a parent. how are you taking it?

Hi otherlife,

*welcome*

I want to join the others and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry to hear about your marriage I want to echo once removed how are you feeling about her having a kid? I can relate with that I’m anxious to hear what you have to say.


That reminds of a line in the song Losing my Religion by REM ”Oh, life is bigger, It's bigger than you and you are not me”


Many members arrive here with a lot of questions, they’re sad, hurt, confused the group is here to help you make sense of your experience we all give you our perspective and you read through it and pick and choice what you feel suits you’re situation and you can pick the bones out of it.

Im going to assume that you mean BPD were not professionals were not trained to diagnose a person with a severe mental illness and personality disorders is niche in psychology. I’d suggest to read as much as you can about the disorder it’s confusion to understand at first with time you’ll understand but don’t beat yourself up.

A lot of us are searching for a situation where we could of saved the marriage but there are so many things that pile up that it’s not one single situation it’s thousands of different ones. You did the best that you could with what you had at the time no more no less.

Hi... .what does "gripped by emotional fear" mean? I want to understand this. Often, I was afraid to answer the phone, knowing it was Dr jeckel 75% of the time and Mr Hyde (miss Hyde) the rest of the time.