BPDFamily.com

How do I detach myself from the pain of putting up with a BPD family member and look at it clinically?

One way is to learn about the disorder so you know what is driving the behaviors.

Are you looking for help with dealing with a family member with BPD or is this a homework question? 

Both! Cuz I've witnessed living with a BPD family member first hand, and I want to make more out of it. I study Psych in college and I'm wondering if there are things outside my syllabus that I can refer to. Case studies are welcome

I've long lost hope on advice and other counseling. I'm wondering how people actually do it with examples.

I think I can relate to this as I took psychology in college and wanted to see where my BPD mother was in the text book. I didn't pursue a degree in psychology but took the  intro class. I didn't know she had BPD at the time- no internet and I don't think it was as established as a diagnosis so I didn't find the answer, but I knew something was going on with her and wanted to know what it was.

If you are looking at examples, basically every post on these boards is an example of someone dealing with a BPD family member or partner. There are also many articles about BPD on this board that are likely outside the syllabus to read.

We can learn to cope with our experiences with a BPD family member- it takes both our thinking - intellectual learning, and also emotional- dealing with feelings. There is a difference between keeping your cool with a BPD situation and turning off or not feeling your feelings. The feelings can be painful- and it helps to learn to manage them with a trained therapist, not just make it so you don't feel them. Avoidance of feelings can drive dysfunctional behaviors. What is better is to gain emotionally healthy coping skills to manage them and this can be done with work.

I think almost every college has student health and psychology services. For many, the fees are covered by tuition and your insurance. It would be a great opportunity to take advantage of this service- and speak to a counselor at your school about your experiences. When you say you've lost hope- perhaps you need a different counselor, and also more time. These issues are not resolved quickly  but doing the work to manage them is an investment in yourself and well worth the work.

Hi TricePaige  :hi:

Welcome to the BPD Family  :hi:

I agree with Turkish understanding BPD and recognizing the behaviors are helpful.  When you recognize that a particular behavior... .like FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or emotional Blackmail for example it is easier to not be pushed into something  you don't want to do when you see it as the manipulative/dysfunctional tool that it is.  When you can recognize this type of behavior then you can recognize were the behavior is coming from, and rather than feel guilty for something you haven't done, you can think... .a ha! I see the FOG, this isn't about me at all, this is the other person and their dysfunctional tool.

I suggest you read some of the other posts or post more about your own situation to work on understanding BPD, the common behaviors and tools that can help.

Panda39

read stop walking on eggshells. Also yeah these boards are incredible because although our stories are each so unique and strange at times leaving us feeling isolated once you figure out the patterns they are so similar. Once I found out my Mom might have BPD, read the book and found these boards I could very easily separate her behavior so when we argued I knew what was me and what was not my fault and what triggered her abusive behavior.

Hi, TricePaige. Welcome to the boards. You’ve gotten some legitimate questions thus far.

Dealing with this stuff feels like hell. Knowledge can bring us out of that pit. First and foremost, how are you feeling in this moment? Secondly, do you have a desired outcome? Do you want some breathing room to reassess your situation?

TricePaige, I was in tatters when I finally showed myself here. You’ve taken the plunge. How can we help you?

What caused you to lose hope in counseling?