BPDFamily.com

In my last post I explained that a major incident occured with my wife which feels like it may have drug induced.  She tore up her bedroom, made noise so loud neighbor called the police. It got so bad the police was called and had to do a 5150 but they only kept her for 4 hours. She returned, tore up the kitchen and her behavior continued until day four I had to call and request a restraining order. On day six she was served restraining order. Days after she got the restraining order her parents put her in a psychiatric hospital and she has stayed there for over a week. We were suppose to go to court in October but my wife got a continunce for a November court date.
Update:
We met in court this week. My wife sent her attorney but she did not show up to the restraining order hearing. I believe this upset the judge. In the end the judge granted my request for a permanent restraining order (1 year extension). This means both custody and I am able to stay in my home and my wife cannot return to the residence for one year. My wife is living in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (about 1,000 miles away from me and my daughter). I was granted 100% custody of my daughter and my wife can talk to my daughter over the phone or on video. If my wife comes back to the area the judge said she had to return to court (ex-parte) to request supervised visitation. I will be officially filing for divorce next week. I have also been told that this may disqualify my wife from getting alimony in the divorce and will setup a good chance of me keeping custody of my daughter. I know my wife wants to take my daughter with her to Oklahoma which is very now unlikley. I have read, Splitting cover to cover. My wife has negative advocate for an attorney but my attorney is very assertive. I also have begun reading Bill Eddy's "Don't Alienate the Kids" both books have a lot of good ideas. I realize the battle has just begun and it will be long one. 

This sounds like a good victory. It gives you a reprieve.  How old is your daughter and how is she taking it?

My best advice is to beware of your boundaries being undermined by claims (from spouse or others) that you're being mean or unfair.  We members here are typically Nice Guys and Nice Gals, we have hearts and empathy, wonderful qualities.  However, those qualities can be used to sabotage us and our children.

So... .when you are being pressured to "give her a break" or anything to show you're magnanimous or generous, think twice, even thrice.  You don't have to be "super fair".  If it is not to your or the children's benefit, then follow your gut instinct.  "Sorry, but the order says ___ and I don't see a reason to depart from or disregard the order."  It's not mean, it's watching out for the overall best.

You are in a strong custodial and parenting position, unusual for us fathers.  Don't weaken it.  If the courts weaken your position as time goes on, well, that's the court's decision.  But don't you feel sorry or criticized and then sabotage yourself.