BPDFamily.com

This is a continuation of my original thread at https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=330864.0 to exchange any further opinions.

Hi, Gavin.  :hi:  I just read your other thread.  It sounds like your about three weeks post-breakup.  How are things going?  How are you feeling today?

Hello ,
Well I can't say I'm healed and detached yet, but I'm progressing.

I have also lined up a few dates.

In the meantime, I have heard that my ex had a nervous breakdown recently and after 3 weeks is still vividly angry at me. She's angry because she says that she invested so much in me (it's hard to see what?), accepted compromises, and that she only got sh*t in return. She portrays me as though I hadn't deserved her. I find this anger and smear campaign sickening. She's still bashing me in front of all her friends.

I have never encountered a separation in which one party was so angry about the other. Heaven knows I'm not perfect, but I think I was a loving, more than decent, and supporting partner always acting in good faith and with the best intentions.

She's also hooking up with the same guy as during the previous breakup, so she's wasting no time.

I know pwBPDs can be very angry and rageful, but is this extreme ongoing anger after a breakup also typical for a pwBPD ?

sure. but its not unique to BPD.


if you think about it, you probably have seen people do this, countless times; in songs, from friends, acquaintances, walking down the street, and even here on this board. those are all things i told myself or my friends to try to get over my ex.

its a coping mechanism, not the most emotionally balanced or resilient coping mechanism, but one that comes from a place of deep hurt.

its also one that really stings to be on the receiving end of. it stings for a variety of reasons. it can sting because it feels unjust or unfair, that we dont get to defend ourselves. it can sting because someone we loved is saying these things, and thats the last way we want them to think of us. it can sting because it feels/sounds very different than what we experienced, and it sure would have helped to know at the time.


these are also coping mechanisms, common ones, and ones that can block our pain, and in so doing, we can miss the lessons from it, and even go on to repeat history.

id really encourage you to work through these hurts here. it takes work, but thats how we reach both resolution and detachment, clarity, and freedom from the wounds. after that, its good to focus on the lessons we want to take into relationships in the future. a lot of us repeat history. i did.

we have a board (the Learning board) for post relationship dating you might want to explore. sometimes dating can be a way to stave off and distract ourselves from the pain, and sometimes its just a way of getting back to our normal... .sometimes for worse, sometimes for better; its good to have feedback in order to know the difference.