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Title: Just found out my bf of 3 years has BPD Post by: Marshmallow0103 on November 23, 2018, 06:27:50 PM Been in a rollercoaster ride of a relationship. I couldn’t figure out why we had so many issues, and I had wondered if my bf was a narcissist or bipolar but nothing really seemed to fully explain how he could seem truly caring and sweet but then all of the issues, the splitting, the turfing, etc.
but finally made sense with the BPD diagnosis. Unfortunately due to finances/no insurance, he’s not going to be able to get DBT treatment, but a friend whose married to someone with BPD sent me a DBT workbook and has been giving me some advice. I’m hoping this will be helpful... .we’re planning on starting the book this weekend. I honestly didn’t have any hope left for our relationship til January of this year, I think my boyfriend has really been trying to improve and learn how to communicate properly; saying “I’m not in a good mood today” so I know to give him space rather than him not saying anything and then randomly blowing up over something. Also me giving him reassurance that I’m not going anywhere has seemed to be very helpful for him. The only issue I don’t see being fixed any time soon is his jealousy problems. He’s completely fine with me talking to any family members, male or female, and sometimes we have group calls with his guy friends and he doesn’t mind me talking to and being friendly to his friends, and I’m an English tutor with mostly male students from overseas and he’s been ok with it aside from occasionally asking questions, but as far as me having male friends or talking to people online goes, he gets extremely jealous and suspicious. There are certain apps he doesn’t want me to use, and I sometimes feel like I have to hide things from him, which I know isn’t good for our relationship... .part of me just wants to accept this one thing and just avoid talking to any guys so he won’t worry as long as other aspects of our relationship are going well, but I’ve been told it isnt healthy and I guess that’s true. I don’t have too many close friends, and my family consists of me and my mom who isn’t supportive of this relationship, so I’m looking for some support and guidance. Thank you all in advance! Title: Re: Just found out my bf of 3 years has BPD Post by: Harri on November 23, 2018, 06:44:33 PM Hi and welcome. I am glad you found us but sorry for what brings you here.
The good news is that you have come to the right place for support and talking with others who understand. The other good news is that there are many who are just starting out with you and others who have been through where you are right now, so you are in great company. Dealing with jealousy is hard. I am unsure of how to advise you on that but I know someone will be along who can. It is good that your BF is open to working on things and you have already noticed a change in his behavior and have changed the way the two of you talk with each other. Was your BF diagnosed with BPD in January? I hope you settle in and read and jump into other threads as it is so important to build a support network. One of the benefits is talking with others in similar situations and seeing how they handle things can help you. Again, welcome. Title: Re: Just found out my bf of 3 years has BPD Post by: Radcliff on November 24, 2018, 08:38:23 PM *welcome*
That's great that you've made some progress with your bf and have started learning coping techniques. We can help you with that. Regarding the jealousy, can you give us a specific situation -- a particular man you'd like to remain friends with, and the details around what's happened, your bf's reactions, your reactions, etc.? We can help you work through it. RC |