BPDFamily.com

I have come to realize that my anxiety and stress are primarily in relation to my interactions with my partner. She is what I affectionately term "a snap show". I cannot say anything without her jumping on me, defending her position (to the death), and/ or attacking me.

I have been going through a lot of stress right now. I have ongoingly made requests for support. Please help me with _______. I need your support with ______. These requests are met with "oh so I am not good enough for you" type responses.

I am now having panic attacks trying to manage it all (essentially) alone.

 I freaked out and told her I think she is BPD. How do you think my life is now? I hasn't gone over very well and now I have even MORE to deal with.

Help... .

Hi.  Your situation sounds tough.  Panic attacks and anxiety are very difficult and can certainly make things worse.  It is good that you are reaching out here for help and support.

As you discovered, it is usually not a good idea to tell someone you think they have BPD.  Many of our members have made the same mistake. 

Can you tell us more about your relationship?  It will make it easier to guide and support you.  How long have you been together?  What is the current status of the r/s?  What sort of stress are you dealing with (other than the relationship stress)?

Hope to hear more from you.

Been there done that. They can take offense or they know already and its like the "how's the weather up there" joke for tall people, they've heard it (or variants) a thousand times before its not even funny anymore.


My dad would do that a few years back (we suspect BPD but never had much evidence besides anger outbursts), it was often triggered by something bad happening at work but he would lash out at home.

Takes some serious skill to navigate through that and I don't want to risk giving bad advice because its a delicate issue so just know it is possible, its hard, you need a lot of resilience on your part, things often get worse before they get better, but it is possible.

As for the anxiety, I had panic attacks a few years back, helped me tremendously just to be aware of the early signs, just knowing it was anxiety allowed me to focus and experience it without escalating it (worrying about the fact that I'm worried about stuff, that sort of thing) usually allows me to get through it. Haven't had a major event in a while now so yeah.


I agree with Harri.

Hi ataloss, I can understand being asked to do much more than you can and being afraid of the consequences of saying no.

Please do take us deeper into you situation so we can better advise you. Can you share an example of a recent request / demand? What are you afraid of happening if you say no?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld