BPDFamily.com

Hi All!

So, this post might sound a bit funny but in all honesty I am not sure what to do.

My MIL has BPD and to make a very long story short, I married her son and she views me as the women who stole her son away. Although we are "civil" (and by civil I mean she never talks about her feelings or stuff that bothers her. Issues are always thrown to the side), we do not have a close relationship. We do not go out and have lunches and haven't gone out just her and I since first meeting her 8 years ago.

She texted me today and asked out of the blue if I would like to go to the mall tomorrow just her and I. It sounds normal right? But for her and I it's not normal. It just gives me an uncomfortable feeling when I think about going out with her, such as there is something behind why she wants to go. My brain starts to spin with questions like, why does she want to go? What is she trying to prove? etc.

My brain goes to this defensive mindset and it shouldn't. I search for the "other" side of things and a deeper understanding of what she could possible want. I know she really might just be trying to connect and have a relationship with me. However, I have given her the benefit of the doubt before and it only ended the way I was scared of.

So, my question is, do I go to the mall with her? I truly am trying to understand why now? Why all of a sudden does she want to go out?

I just never know what to believe with her anymore. She has stated that she does not like me and to be honest I don't like her either right now. I am hoping I will like her one day but at the moment being around her only hurts me. It hurts so much because I know she has had issues with me and wont talk to me about them. It's hard to be around someone who you know is not a fan of you.

I also love my MIL very much, she gave me the best gift which is my husband but it is just difficult.

Any opinions or direction would be wonderful.
-Onesided

Hi.  Well, that certainly is out of the blue!  I understand why you would be hesitant.  It is impossible to know what she is looking or hoping for.

I would be inclined to go, but make sure we set a time limit of sort (as in 2-3 hours... .not sure how to word it tho) and that we drove there separately and just meet somewhere in the mall.  I would also give myself permission to leave.  You can say your stomach is bothering you or something.

What do you think?

Hi, OneSided. Thanks for posting. Harri has given you proper things to think about when it comes to what you’re here for.

You love her because she gave birth to her Son. This hits home with me. The love of your life came from her. I agree with Harri that the out of the blue invite is odd.

I’ll say this, if you agree to the invite, be you. And I’m dead serious about being you. Don’t allow her to have any affect over what you want to do. If both of you can gracefully agree, great! If not, you don’t have to appease or comfort her.

Bottom line is you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You’re your own person. Don’t feel obligated.

In what way did it end before which resulted in you being scared?