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My DD is in college on the other side of the country. She has had lots of intensive therapy over the years, has been doing a lot better and is even on track to graduate from college next year in spite of lots of interruptions. 

Well, she called to talk to me last night out of the blue, supposedly to discuss her sinus problems but then said very casually that she was planning to get extensions on all of her schoolwork ( she has disability accommodations) because lately she has been restricting food again and having suicidal thoughts. I asked if she had talked to her therapist about it and she said yes but did not elaborate. I asked if we could switch to video call, ostensibly so that I could see her new cat, but really I wanted to see how thin she was. Well she was gaunt. I told her I was worried, that she looked really thin. She got mad and said I'm nowhere near as thin as I was before. So I dropped that line of inquiry and switched over to asking if she and the therapist had a plan. Again she said very breezily, yeah we're talking about it.

I am really freaked out right now. The last time she looked like this I had to take a leave from work to refeed her. Usually suicidal thoughts lead to lots of cutting which she has also not done in years.

I want to email her therapist but I'm worried that will cause her to get really angry at me for being intrusive. I want to believe that her therapist knows what is going on but I don't trust her.

dubiousraves,

It is the therapist job and creed to keep things confidential and anyone that they talk to.  If you need to talk with her therapist and you request that she not speak to your daughter about the communication, she should uphold that.  You can at least express your concerns about your daughter.

Also, if you think that she might be in danger, you should take action to keep her safe even if you find out that you were overreacting and she gets mad.  You will know better than anyone how she is feeling.

Zakade

I would agree with Zakade advice. If your daughter is seeing someone regularly, such as a trained Therapist, that can only help.

Hi there dubousraves

It's positive to hear your DD's applied for extensions for her school work. Did you decide to speak with the  therapist, I agree if my DD was half way across the country like you I'd want to share my deep concerns to ensure the therapist had the information I have, can give a peace of mind.  As Zakade says, it should be kept confidential to the therapist, if they're willing to listen to you.

New Cat!   can't tell you what a difference it's made for my DD, she's had her cat for 2 years now. Does your DD just have the one?

WDx

I did email the therapist and she sent a " thank you for your concern" response but at least I know that she is aware. My DD is being more responsive to my texts though, answering maybe 1 out 5. I don't send more than 1 text per day and usually just silly emojis or GIFs. 

My daughter just has the one cat which is causing a bit of stress too. This cat is a feral from Afghanistan who was living on a NATO base there and was unfortunately abused by a soldier on the base. A pet charity raised the funds to ship the cat to her in the US. I completely understand her wanting to save this poor cat. However, the cat is traumatized, feral from birth and not   affectionate in any way - she bites . I asked my daughter if she wanted a cat that was more domesticated and she got angry, saying the cat needed her and that no one else would know how to care for such a difficult cat.  Well she loves the cat and takes a lot of pride in caring for her so that is all positive.

I will see her on the 20th when she gets back from school and if she is any thinner we will have to have a frank talk about what to do. I know she will get really angry and I am dreading it.

Good news!  Glad to hear that she is doing at least ok with her present circumstance.  Hopefully with a cat that needs her, she will have the motivation to keep herself healthier.  Enjoy the time you will get to spend with her over the holidays and I hope that you won't have to have that conversation.