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Title: Something could set her off and she would threaten to leave Post by: crushedagain on December 11, 2018, 04:43:52 PM This post was split off from this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331965.0;topicseen
it might sound trite, or overly simplistic, but letting go is the only way to truly move on. we can carry our pain and baggage into the next relationship. many of us do. so getting drunk, getting in a new relationship, lots of other things might make you feel better for a time, but to really detach takes work. crushedagain, sometimes wounds from these relationships can really linger. i had a 3 month relationship in high school, and the breakup stuck with me for years. it might take some going back and reexamining things in a new light, and unwinding those wounds. in looking at your story, it sounds like you were together for two years, and in a lot of pain when it ended. how did it end? who broke up with whom? why? Yes, the relationship was two years, she moved in with me, but she discarded me - twice. The first time was roughly 10 months in, if I recall. She had this routine where something small could set her off and she would threaten to leave. It was like the boy crying wolf thing, until she actually did leave with all of her stuff. She called me crying a day or two later, wanting a second chance, which I foolishly agreed to under the condition she never pull something like that again. Things were good for a while, but her old habits set in. The second time she left was not as dramatic as the first. She took all of her stuff but said she was going on vacation (she is retired). I knew something was up but I did not want an argument and preferred to let her go peacefully. The 2nd discard was by email, to which I never even responded. I really don't know why. We never really "fought," like some others here. She had the fear of abandonment but also the engulfment. And, of course, the impulsivity which she even talked about the day after she left and then called me. She has virtually every single symptom of BPD, and strong. That's how I found this site - reading about what I had just gone through. Title: Re: Is a new love the only way to truly move on? Post by: once removed on December 12, 2018, 02:51:13 PM Yes, the relationship was two years, she moved in with me, but she discarded me - twice. The first time was roughly 10 months in, if I recall. She had this routine where something small could set her off and she would threaten to leave. It was like the boy crying wolf thing, until she actually did leave with all of her stuff. what set her off, ca? what did she say, how did you respond? it will help us all walk through this to give as much detail as possible. Title: Re: Is a new love the only way to truly move on? Post by: gotbushels on December 14, 2018, 11:41:38 PM crushedagain :hi:
what set her off, ca? what did she say, how did you respond? I hope you'll share this too.To support your discussion, I share this. She had this routine where something small could set her off and she would threaten to leave. [... .] Things were good for a while, but her old habits set in. [... .] She has virtually every single symptom of BPD, and strong. We never really "fought," like some others here. DSM5 states that over time, after 30 to 40 years of age, pwBPDs that have met the criteria may no longer express the behaviours where they would receive a diagnosis. The set of pwBPDs DSM5 used for follow-up were those that had received some forms of outpatient treatment (p. 665). I think even if a person is no longer expressing the traits, there may still be those underlying issues. Perhaps the pwBPD is 'low on gas' by that stage (anger spends a lot of energy). Moreover, DSM5 didn't state the relative trait expressiveness of those who didn't receive treatment (someone correct me if it's in there). Therefore, your SO may have those underlying issues despite your 'fights' being different to those of members here. |