BPDFamily.com

My wife has not been officially diagnosed with BPD but she has many traits and behaviors listed in "Stop Walking On Eggshells."  We've been together for 14 years and married for 11 and she always had mood swings that seemed somewhat drastic to me but I just accepted it as part of her personality.  Some of her anger and depression was difficult for me because I see now that I fell into the role of trying to help her "fix" it.  A little over three years ago, we had a son who is an absolute joy.  Unfortunately, my wife's anger and lashing out at me increased exponentially almost immediately after we returned from the hospital with our newborn.  About two years ago, she really went off the rails and accused me of some horrific things.  It was at this time that I knew something was just not right with her.  I started seeing an individual therapist at that time to try to figure out what was wrong with me and how I had caused her to hate me so much and be so verbally degrading to me.  I learned quickly that I was not the reason for so many of her problems.  Don't get me wrong, I have my own issues but they were not the reasons for her unhappiness.  I finally convinced her to join me in family therapy about a year and half ago but her attendance was not great.  She would come sometimes very eager and happy and other times not go because she hated the therapist for "minimizing" her anger and concerns.  For the past seven years we have lived in Hawaii thousands of miles away from any family support and since our some and in an effort to improve our family network, we moved back home to Louisiana three months ago.  She has so much real and manufactured drama with her family, I knew that moving back home wouldn't solve our problems but it would offer more support for both of us.  The support has been helpful but her behaviors have not abated, but rather seem to have gotten worse.  For me, I thankfully have more support from family and lots of friends to keep from buying into and believing the things she has been criticizing me for, but I feel that our marriage is on the verge of ending.  She is constantly threatening to leave me and many of my friends are urging me to divorce her.  I've thought about it a lot and I am very concerned about the well being of our son, especially if I were not around the bear the brunt of her anger.  I am seeing an individual therapist here in Louisiana and have found a family therapist that we will be meeting with for the first time this week.  I am happy to have found this group and look forward to being able to talk about what's going on with other people like me. 

hi BewilderedSpouse and *welcome*

im happy you found us too, and im glad you reached out. it sounds like you have a good support system, but you cant beat a family that understands, and has been there. i hope youll make yourself at home and stick around.

about how long ago did the threats to leave start on her end, and how long have the two of you been between family therapy?

Hi Bewildered Spouse,

Let me join Once Removed in welcoming you to the boards.  :hi:

I'm sorry you're going through such struggles with your wife. Members here will understand how challenging these relationships can be. It sounds like you've got a strong support system in real life - that's great.


People with BPD often have exceptionally high validation needs, which the therapist might not have adjusted for. Hopefully, the new family therapist will be a better fit for your wife. Is she seeing an individual therapist now?