BPDFamily.com

Hello fellow posters   

My partner or ex partner who has BPD has recently moved out. We were dating for 12 months befor we fell pregnant. The were a few very odd things at the start. She drank a lot of alchohol and smoked lots of weed... .i dont do eather but i thought to myself wow she is different but i felt love like never befor. she was amazing and so loving i honestly thought id found the one. We moved in together she and this is were thing went spriling out of control. I have such a calm caring nature and have always tried my best to descalate any time were she started to get angry, go quit, or rage at me for sometimes such miniscual thing. A lot of the time i put it down to pregancey and hormones. It would be things like i was late home from work or i didnt get the right brand of milk, Things along them lines. But it got worse much worse, i would cop the blame for everything and i started to beleve that im doing everything wrong and that i was making all the mistakes and the one for our realtionship starting to fail. I suffered verbal abuse daily and physical abuse on the odd occasion. We went to a family support program and i mentioned that i was being abused, they also touched on the topic of smoking weed whilst pregnant at that stage she walked out. Ive called the ambulance because she wasn't eating anything and had spent days in bed. Once they left she got very angry and moved out. I felt so bad that i called the ambo and thought i mad a wrong call. Ive seen so many councilors and psychologist to help me throught all this. Ive have been so supportive of her but i find that i get put down even if im only doing things to rebuild our relationship. We do thing together but something triggers the BPD and she loses control. I hadn't meet the doola i have asked her many times over the last month or so i made contact to her myself, i also told her that i had done so i then got absolutely blasted for this there is only a few weeks befor bubs is born and she onlonger wants anything to do with me. Ohh i forgot to mention that she only told me about her diagnosis a few weeks ago. This has helped me to understand what has happed and for me to make some changes in my life to better understand that a lot of it was her BPD and not the beautiful, kind hearted smart woman meet. Im completely at a loss not sure what way is up anymore. All i want for for my son to be born into a happy loving enviroment. Hoping anyone can help me ill take on whatever advise you can give me. Merry Christmas to you all and thank you for reading.

Cheers !

Merry Christmas to you as well Lukewd

So she shared that she was diagnosed with BPD?

This is a delicate time and in addition to possible hormones affecting her moods, a baby coming is stressful,  even for a mother without BPD.  My advice here would be to step back a little. I know she's cut you off,  but she's likely to engage again of she needs something.  It would be good to learn the validation tools outlined in lesson 3 at the top of the board. 

Tools for communication, validation, and reinforcement of good behavior (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190)

You contacted the dulla, and that set her off.  What's done is done.  She may not feel safe and feel alone.  That isn't true,  but it's true to her.  The validation tools can help open up a safe dialog.

How did she cut you off?  NC whatsoever, or is there space for an opening?

I will just chime in here and say that my wife had been on SSRI's since shortly after our marriage started, and was only diagnosed with BPD 15 years into our marriage.

Anyway... .about pregnancy... .

I could tell right away when she was pregnant, because she would go right off the deep end.  First time it happened, she locked me out of the house with no car keys and wallet, over something trivial.  Went to my brother's and spent the night until she calmed down... .  Turned out she needed her dose upped during pregnancy.

The next two pregnancies were much the same.  She would be OK (back to baseline medicated volatility) once adjusted.

Hope this helps and Good luck!