BPDFamily.com

Hello, my BPD partner of 19 months, is in a downward spiral (again). There were many triggers for him, including my travel, the holidays, stress, family issues on his side, etc. First the testing / abandonment accusations, then physical aggressiveness, then repetitive / racing thoughts, clinginess, self destructive actions, procrastination / avoidance /escape, using violent porn to cope with mental distress and pain, and then the inevitable "fake breakup", cutting off contact, etc. I texted his therapist / medication manager, let his family know, and let him know I'm available to talk when he's ready. We've been through this a lot of times. How do you all cope with these similar cycles? How do I cope with my own pain from his actions when I am completely innocent of all the accusations he makes and also from being the target of his rage / dependence / aggressiveness? Is there any hope at all? His diagnosis is fairly new - about 5 weeks now - and he has a couple of therapists and plans to start DBT in Jan, but in the meantime... .it's complete hell.

Hi akinyi,

*welcome*

It sounds like a very stressful time for you both. It can feel very painful to be in the receiving end of false accusations and rage. Many people here will be able to relate to that.

You say "physical aggressiveness" - can you tell us more about that?

How do you feel about the diagnosis? Do you know how he feels about it?

It's brilliant that he's going to start DBT - it is a very effective treatment for BPD. Also there are tools and techniques here which you can learn that can really help to improve relationship dynamics and interactions between couples. There is certainly hope.

Let me join Bnonymous in welcoming you.  I share her question about physical aggressiveness.  Please tell us more.  That's wonderful news about the DBT.  It's an impressive program, and I hope he and you experience benefits from it.

RC