BPDFamily.com

Hello,
This is my fourth post in about two weeks so I apologize for taking over the feed, but I did not see any discussion on the other side of ghosting.
I have read the tools and have been working on getting myself into a good mental state. I am trying to recognize any unhealthy thought patterns or co-dependent tenancies I have and work through them.
However, I am a bit confused on the re-establishment process. Quick background for me- I dated a girl for a short period before she slipped into a massive depression which I think is a symptom of high functioning BPD. I fell hard for her and after a period of it being wonderful, exhilarating, and what I thought normal, she started to shut me out. We went through a few months of limited visits and texting arguments that resulted in my mental health breaking down for a while. She stopped talking to me in October and ghosted completely. I was devastated, but since have been trying to learn about BPD and myself and am in a better place.
A few days ago I spoke to her via text - She is part of a group of friends I did xmas gifts for and I made one for her as she was part of the group. I left it at a mutual friends house. She texted me a thank you the following day, and we ended up having a witty, somewhat lighthearted conversation about inconsequential things. I was thrilled because it is the first time in months she has acted like she wanted to talk to me.

How do I play it from here? I am not angry at her (most of the time) for ghosting because I understand I was just too much for her to deal with on top of her mental issues and physical issues- she also has liver failure from an auto-immune problem. She has since started taking anti-depressants and seems to be slowly coming out of isolation. But I am not sure how to work back into her life. I understand patience is important. But can anyone offer experiences or advice on their process of recovery after ghosting?
Being honest I would like to pursue a relationship with her. I also understand however, that she may have a long road ahead of her before she is in a place stable enough to support a relationship. She told me at one point that she wanted me but she wasn't ready to be with anyone, and that she probably wouldn't be for a long time. I think some of that was true, and some was fear. At the time she told me this she was pretty depressed. I am ok with being patient, but I also would love some guidance on how other have emotionally handled this.

I also am struggling with not knowing what she is thinking as far as me. I know she did have feelings for me because even when she was depressed she told me at one point how hard it was for her to not be near me, and how she wanted to do things like kiss me but she couldn't. How do I learn where I stand with her when she has put up so many defenses, and I don't have any idea what she feels and thinks for me right now? Does anyone else struggle with this?

Thank you!

hi Kittydarling,

i read your previous post on the Detaching board.

it sounds like given the circumstances, there are not a lot of immediate, obvious moves or cards to play here. it also sounds like you had a positive interaction, and that could be something to build on.

you mentioned you are both part of a group that gets together, and that she hadnt been present for a while. do you think theres any chance she will be back maybe now that some of the ice has thawed between you?