BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Enabler on January 07, 2019, 05:40:19 AM



Title: Leave behind, Retain & Develop
Post by: Enabler on January 07, 2019, 05:40:19 AM
Happy New Year everyone,

The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on things past present and future. At church yesterday we were asked to think about things we would like to leave behind in 2018, things that are providing strength in the present, and things we hope to gain in 2019.

Leave behind in 2018 - Judgmental living - I wish to leave behind my compunction to judge things that other people do as right or wrong. It doesn't help my current situation.
Retain and cherish now - Emotional intelligence - This is the shield that helps me understand myself, my situation and the people around. Combining knowledge, understanding and action produces intelligence, enhances choices and reduces reactions whilst promoting responses.
Develop and grow in 2019 -  My own life - My life is so entangled with the desires of my family. This is rewarding in the sense that I am a great father in difficult times. However, life outside of home, kids and work has all but evaporated in the last 2 years as my W has emotionally moved further away and dragged all but small pockets of my social circle with her. It's time to consider me as important as others, not less.

What's your Leave behind, Retain & Develop?... .yours could be things rather than intangible items.

Enabler


Title: Re: Leave behind, Retain & Develop
Post by: Cat Familiar on January 07, 2019, 11:29:45 AM
Great idea, Enabler!

Leave behind in 2018-- Feeling like I should do more than I'm doing. It's that self criticism that I feel like no matter how much I accomplish, I should have done more--or better.

Retain and cherish now-- Working out. I lead an active life here on the ranch, but I've not been doing Pilates, using my exercise bike, free weights, TRX, etc. Somehow I got into a rebellious attitude toward myself that probably has something to do with the "leave behind" issue above.

Develop and grow in 2019-- I feel like my horse training skills have sort of plateau-ed in the last year and I haven't been actively learning much. Probably also related to the feeling like I should do more, be better.



Title: Re: Leave behind, Retain & Develop
Post by: Cat Familiar on January 07, 2019, 10:40:31 PM
This is such a great topic, Enabler, that I thought I’d double post to bump it up to the top of the list.

Leave behind— I’m going through the house to see what I can donate to thrift stores.

Retain and cherish now— I’ve been focusing upon different parts of the house and am fixing things. On New Year's Day, i regrouted the upstairs bathroom

Develop and grow— since I live in a fire prone area, I’m going to strategize to make my surroundings safer by installing finer mesh on vents and removing some nearby trees.


Title: Re: Leave behind, Retain & Develop
Post by: Harri on January 08, 2019, 05:56:32 PM
Thanks for starting this.  You got me thinking.

Leave behind:  isolating myself.  I will get out and do something more often than I do now.   

Retain and cherish now:  laughter.  I am usually positive and happy but I do not laugh nearly enough and towards the end of last year I vowed to laugh out loud every day.   It is easy enough for me to find something to laugh about but I want to keep it up. 

Develop and grow:  More on getting out.  Working on the attitude and beliefs that keep me isolating.  Being willing to be okay with the way things are and getting out anyway.