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Title: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Abc99 on January 07, 2019, 10:55:44 AM I'm not able to talk face to face to my BPD partner as he only gets very angry if I try. However I need him to make changes and start addressing his anger and get help.
Would it be advisable to send an email? I know this can be misinterpreted easily, but if he won't listen to me face to face how else can I communicate with him and try to make him see that his behaviour needs to change for us to stay together - with our little girl. I'm guessing me telling him he needs to manner his anger and stop telling me of for everything will not get the reaction I want - and it will probably just make my BPD partner more angry and fan the fire?. Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: once removed on January 07, 2019, 01:09:04 PM what specific changes would you want to lay out in what you say?
have you raised them before? Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Abc99 on January 07, 2019, 02:36:13 PM I want to tell him that he needs to find a way to address his anger as it is out of control and our daughter is witnessing it.
It says I will leave if he doesn't learn to control it. I want to set a boundary but I'm also well aware that this will probably just make him angrier... . I'm confused as I want to give him the chance to try and work on anger (as it's too much around a child) and stay in our relationship but I don't know whether there is even a point in trying. I'm confused and exhausted. Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: once removed on January 08, 2019, 04:26:16 PM It says I will leave if he doesn't learn to control it. I want to set a boundary but I'm also well aware that this will probably just make him angrier... . this is more an ultimatum than a boundary. ultimatums are at times, necessary, but we really have to be prepared to stand by them if we make them. are you really prepared to leave if nothing changed? https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Skip on January 08, 2019, 05:40:55 PM email is not good.
Do you have times or calm and happiness where you can talk? Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Abc99 on January 09, 2019, 10:32:18 AM He currently won't talk to me and when I try he tells me to shut up. He firmly believes I'm the problem.
I hear you that email isn't good. I'm just very confused as there is never a time he will listen to me at the moment and his anger is affecting our little girl. I wanted to give him a chance to get help our change his behaviour Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Skip on January 09, 2019, 10:52:15 AM When he is on high emotion (in the moment) he won't hear you - none of us do.
My question is about talking to him after the fact and when he is in good spirits. Do you ever have times when things are good between you? Title: Re: Email a good way to communicate and give choices to BPD partner? Post by: Abc99 on January 09, 2019, 01:07:59 PM Sadly for the past year, since having our girl, he has an even shorter temper and will not talk to me. There hasn't once been a point when I've thought now would be a good time to discuss this. The last three months have been at crisis point. His dad chucked us out whilst we visited then abroad for Christmas and he is at Rick bottom. For three months he hasn't said a kind word to me and I have been the person for him to get angry at.
Love and kindness is given to our little girl, which in very grateful for, but he doesn't really acknowledge me at the moment. I keep thinking tomorrow will be better and I will be able to talk to him but tomorrow doesn't appear to be happening. |