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Hi All,

I wanted to share a letter I wrote to my exUBPD GF a year ago after one of our break-ups. I was constantly persecuted by her. She did like like the amount of money I was obligated to pay my ex wife in our divorce. She also did not like if I communicated with my grown kids who are 27, 25, and 18. The lies I take responsibilty for are minor white lies such as where someone sat on a bus or if my phone was turned down or not. Her claims were she was always second. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hope this helps and some of you can relate:

Dear XXXX Sometimes things just need to be said to correct the record since you make me out to be this terrible person that did nothing for you. I have taken you on vacations to California, Vermont, Lake George, NYC, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Georgetown, Mystic CT, and the Jersey Shore twice, and endless castle time over the time we spent together. I have bought you your TV, your entry way furniture, Michael Kors, Jo Malone, Jimmy Choo’s, Cole Hahn’s, Doc Martin’s, Ivanka Trumps, Pelton, Follie Follie, Movado, Fossil, Banana Republic, Kate Spade, Jared, a new wardrobe, endless clothes, coats, make-up, sneakers and pockets books, a lawn mower, a barbeque, an IPhone and I paid for your parking Dinners at Quality Meats, TAO, Lavo, Smith and Wollenski, Del Fresco, and several other restaurants. I have raked your leaves, cut your grass, fixed your yard, cleaned your garage, and repaired your house when I could, painted, and assembled your entertainment center. I was all set to have a new floor installed and would have taken care of the rest of the necessary home improvements. You were treated like gold and never deprived of anything. I did this out of my extreme love for you. I wanted you to have only the best. I did this to make your life easier and more enjoyable. I felt you deserved it. I would move mountains for you and my actions towards you have always spoken louder than words. I loved every second of doing things for you to make your life easier and better. You were my purpose. I am persecuted for loving my family and paying my financial obligations while you are allowed to be thankful and blessed for your family. You hate your ex for the terrible way he treats your son’s but you hate me for the way I treat my family which is the total opposite of how he is. You hate your ex for being cheap but you persecute me for paying my financial obligations. You use what I have told you about my life against me continuously but when I do the same to make a point you use it as another reason to get rid of me and site lack of trust Yes I was not 100% truthful with you and I take full responsibility for my actions. I should have just been 100% honest and not cared about what your reaction would be. You also have some blame to share. You did not create an environment for me to be open and honest. Anytime I was, it led to an argument or a criticism. Relationships are two way streets but I take the brunt of the responsibility and full responsibility for my lack of candor. I never cheated on you, nor would I. Not even close. In my eyes no woman could even compare to you. I would spend every waking minute with you if I could. I missed you when you got up to go to the bathroom. I understand that the trust is gone and all I can do is hope and pray that one day you open your heart back up to me and forgive for my mistakes. I never meant to intentionally hurt you and my ego got in the way. I should have been kind and humble instead of defensive and argumentative. I am sorry and always felt bad afterwards. I am truly and sincerely sorry for the times I hurt you with my words and actions and if given the chance will never do that again. I know with all that said above I could have always done a better job and should have done a better job. I am a flawed human being. You were my entire world, my universe, my heart, my soul. I want nothing more than to work things out with you. Build a home with you. Build an unconditionally loving life with you. I just want to cherish and be one with you again. Grow old with you. I miss your touch, your smile, your voice. You are by far the most beautiful, sexy women in the world to me. I always looked forward to you and you never failed to make my heart skip a beat. I pray for you and us every day. All I do is hope you can forgive me and open your heart to me for a clean slate and second chance.   I promise you won’t regret it for a day. I am truly sorry for everything. I will never be able to express the love I have for you in words. They will always fall short. I Love You,

thanks for sharing, Mindfried.

it sounds like you were exhausted. the letter must have come from a place of being overwhelmed.

how did she respond?

What happened?

Exhausted is an understatement. LOL This was a long distance relationship. I was on the phone with her morning, noon and night and god forbid I missed something she said I would get scolded. It got to a point I told her I was afraid to talk to her. I would drive 175 miles one way to see her after working all week on Friday nights and drive home on Sundays. 350 miles round trip. Always doing whatever it took to keep things alive and going. If I missed something she said or the tone of my voice changed she would scold me, and we would get off the phone and a text messaging, usually a nasty one would follow and then a break up message. Any letter I wrote her was always from the heart and her responses were never of the positive nature. That is why I was always defensive, just trying to protect myself from her constant accusations. I had no idea she was a potential BPD until I saw a therapist this past September and once I explained the relationship she said she is a bottomless pit and nothing I could do would ever satisfy her. I started researching and found this site. I could never figure out all the break-ups until I found this forum. We tried couples therapy twice and both times she broke up with me right before we were about to talk to the therapist together. We spoke to the therapist alone and when time came for us both the break-us would happen. They were always excrutiatingly painful for me. The last one was 6 months ago and I knew was the last straw I couldnt do it any more for my own sanity.

To be honest nothing happened. She gave me a hard time about a woman that works for me and we were in training and had to take a bus and I told her the woman sat in the back of the bus but she actually sat across the aisle from me. I knew at the time if I told her the truth she would just break up with me. The other lie was, she always gave me a hard time about my work phone that it was always going off with work issues so I turned it on vibrate one day so she would stop giving me a hard time about it going off and I told her the ringer was broken. Not justifying these they were done more as protection  because I knew what would happen and it happened anyway-the break-up -go figure.

Wow, if I saved my texts, my epic texts they would resemble that letter over and over, it feels bad to read. The clarity, the pleading to see and feel, asking for acceptance, empathy, some love in return. The explanation... .the over explanation... .,the explanation of the explanation.

Personally, I found myself feeling like I was cutting the grass with scissors and by the time I was finished, it was time to start again.

I would apologize for things that she was thinking that weren’t even true.

She was running out of things to blame me for. The big one is blaming me for my past. Did I apologize for that, I’m pretty sure I did.  She’s angry and unhappy because of what my past is doing to her. My response, I love you, I’m sorry.

Hi SandB,

Yes I can fully relate. I was always apologizing for things that were not true. Constant false accusations. She would describe me as angry and defensive. I am the furthest thing from an angry person but having to constantly defend yourself over nonsense made me angry. I am a spiritual person and I do beleive she had sometype of hold on me that I could never break free from and never fully explain why I would keep going back time after time after each break-up. I know in the short and long term we are way better off now than before. I just wish a day would pass where I don't think of her or miss her.