BPDFamily.com

Need an advice. ex gf is BPD undiagnosed tho. she matches all symptoms. after 3yrs relationship and her being loyal, she cheated recently and we broke up, she left due to guilt (She could not hold the cheating and showed immense guilt/remorse but also extreme rage.). been 4 month NC. end was super brutal from her saying she doesn't love me blablabla, emotional brutality.
Idk if she has a new partner but seems to reconnect with ex guy friends or at least the one she maybe 'was into' before me.

note: she said she would never talk to me and she was super brutal to me towards the end(she probably doesn't even realised it), however, the end was in peace from me. i guess she devalued me but i was a great partner to her so she cannot forget who was there for her full time(her mother, friends all loved me)... .some days ago, i got a text from her and boom she disappeared again.?


her birthday is at the start of next month. should i text her?

I won't lie, i adore her also despite our rocky relationship, i feel brutally shattered without her cause i fear some men will take sexual advantage of her and now since i am no longer there and she has already been vulnerable once, she might fall again (i also have to add that she is super suicidal during her dark days, however i was always there but i agreed sometimes i lost temper and i saw her building like a wall to me. sorry i was not at all knowledgeable about it but i am sure she won't forget how i was to her).

i want her back but not willing to make the first move since she broke it. but i promised myself to try my best to help her if she's back. i was her first man with who she went physical, despite loving before, she did stuffs with me only. also she's from a conservative background. i could not even tell her surrounding she cheated or ___'s gonna happen

but i am definitely broken, thats the reward i got after i picked her up damaged and built her to a new person, i cared and loved and did everything to make sure she doesn't end up a slut or in the grave due to suicide. i protected her literally from people and so on.
i cannot get over how she did cheat on me. You know whats funny? i was also at times raging but that is always due to her raging for almost nothing and her ways of calling me a NPD while i am clearly sometime super emphatic to her.

her birthday is at the start of next month. should i text her? to rekindle things or should i ignore and also expect her to simply forget me (which she will do for sure) ?

People help me. god bless you all.

hi BarristerAtLaw, and *welcome*


what did she say?

She texted to check if i was doing well. She said hi and hope am fine. then she went on to express gratitude for my support to her during her dark days in her life. also she does not regret the break up BUT really wanted to express gratitude. i politely replied with gratitude for our relationship and convo was over.

What do you want here? Do you desire her to come back,  or is it more that you want her not to be taken advantage of by others?

Dear Friend, BOTH!

1. i want her to comeback so we can  'work' on this disorder together and i plan to seek a therapist help for this. (Hopefully she will agree being a BPD since she's stubborn phew)
However, i won't make the first move. SHE BROKE UP , SHE CHEATED. she need to realise this but it seems she is OVER Me. i don't know... .so until she won't talk to me again WHICH i feel will happen, maybe we won't ever have a chance.

I won't make first move due to fear of being emotionally brutalised and especially hearing she has a new partner (which i seriously wonder)

2. knowing her background and how she was badly abused as a child by her family and surrounding, she was beaten up as a child a lot severely and she lost someone who took care of her and went through hell of a trauma. and being there for her since we started being together and how suicidal she is. i FEAR she will end up sleeping with multiple men and eventually feel like trash and kill herself. Maybe i am going to an extreme but i sincerely Fear for her especially her being promiscuous. Man will take advantage of her i know that, it has always been the case with her previous partners. mine was the longest relationship she had.

Brothers& Sisters, i Nurtured her with love care and affection, what did i not do for this woman? yet she broke my trust and affirm she never loved me and doesn't anymore but want to be friends! what the hell.


Till today i am extremely broken, if i was not a strong personality, twice i would have shot myself in the head, yes i did almost do it to the point they took the gun away. Thank God, i have my wonderful friends and family and especially being believer in God.

.

if she reached out to check in, sending her a happy birthday text seems like a reasonable thing to do.

i dont think that will likely go any further, or at least i wouldnt expect it to. i think if anything is going to happen, you will need a followup after that.

Thanks so much dear friend. I took note of your words. can't believe it. am nearly 31 and in the crucial stage of my career with clients etc and yet i have to deal with such situation with a 29 year old girl! anyway thanks for all

i hope youll stick around with us and learn the tools here. youre going to need them if the relationship is reconciled, and they will also take you far in the future if it isnt.

Thank you so much. Indeed i will stay around, share my experiences IF ANY (esp if we reconcile) and will do my best to help others.
I did a lot of reading about BPDs and it's a shame i was not aware of all this before the breakup.

Thanks again dear Friend.