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I could be grasping at straws here, but in retrospect I get the feeling my exBPDbf knew he was slowly sliding into “that place”.  At the time I thought it was depression, and maybe it was, but maybe he could feel me turning black and was sad about it.  Like he knew there was no stopping the freight train of hell, because it was a very familiar pattern to him.  At that time he said “I feel like I’m losing everything.” and was apologetic about not contacting me as much.  I’m just curious if anyone had this feeling?

Of course, it doesn’t matter in the end, and he could’ve just been struggling with a potential replacement/s,  but I do wonder about this. 

Also, he had a drinking problem in that he would go days without drinking, but pretty much got drunk every time he drank.  There was never just one or two.  He was a different person while drinking, and as messed up as it is, I liked him better this way.  He was ultra sweet and loving and was open and vulnerable in a way that he never was while sober.  Has anyone else had this experience?  Does a BPD experience drunkenness the same way Nons do or is that state just as twisted as every other for them?

I guess in as much as anyone knows when they are losing feelings for somebody, when it happens you don't immediately blurt it out. You carry on with the relationship for a while, wondering if the feelings are going to come back, or if there is a way to mend the situation. I guess the differences are
1. After idealising somebody, it's hard to take back the things you said about how amazing they are.
2. While I have dumped someone before, it has been because I never fell in love with them completely, and I was never deceiving them, cheating etc
3. My exBPD gf seemed to devalue me overnight, but yes there were small signs in hindsight, but the 'I have no feelings for you', and dishonest departure are harsh.

I am sure it is a familiar pattern that they have gone through, my ex has dated 4 others in the past 2 years (that I know of), made suggestive comments to a couple of others, has a couple of older male enablers at the ready if required. None of this she was up front about. Her father was killed in an accident when she was 9, and her mother shows mental health issues. She has her world set, and will do whatever it takes to maintain it I think.

My ex didnt drink to excess so I cant comment on that.

Id say just the same way it works as a disinhibitor for how they already feel about us - at that moment in time.

Thank you for your thoughts, Luan and Cromwell.  Happy Friday to you both!

can you elaborate? what was your experience with this?


the short answer is yes; people with BPD traits behave in the same ways that anyone else does, just more extreme.