BPDFamily.com

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=332932.0

I wear my ring for the good years we had and our children, but I know it is coming to an end.

Mine had been threatening to file for divorce for fourteen years and recently said this was it unless I agreed to his distorted terms of reconciliation. Terms that no reasonable person would ever agree to. He's pitched me over-and-over.

When I shared what he wanted with my therapist, she said, "Some people don't deserve to be married."

Sad, isn't it?

It’s certainly very sad how far apart some people’s personal values can get from their reality. We humans are capable of extremely wicked things yet somehow mentally justify them as ‘good’.

It’s just as sad to see how far down this ‘good’ path of our SO’s we actually find ourselves before we come to our senses and say “ummmm NO”. I have to admit I’m still probably on the path.

It took separation for me to see that. A few months out, I decided to try a life coach who works with abused women through a local church. I've been seeing the same therapist for over a decade (he saw her too) and wanted a different perspective. The therapist had told me long before that he would ultimately try to destroy me and to get out. When I refused, she worked with me on "staying skills." Well, the life coach had a fit when I told my story. She immediately said we had to work on why I put up with so much. That shocked me. There were so many other things she uncovered that shook me to the core.

I'm still definitely there though. Hope springs eternal.

I would like to meet with a life coach like this, not least because I am the one whom is on the divorce petition as being verbally and emotionally abusive to my wife and my kids. I am the one being accuse of coercive control and domestic abuse... .

Abuse in the eye of the beholder.