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Adult child in 3rd week of Kaiser 1 year program for substance abuse. Appears to be doing well. Do you have alcohol in house? Order alcohol for self when dining out? How do you handle? Thank you for your comments.

Hi Adnil

When my son28 was addicted to codeine I got all meds from the house - he didn’t drink alcohol. My younger son, in reaction to his older brother wouldn’t touch drugs or alcohol. When I went away on holiday with the wider family with younger son I went teetotal to support him in his decision. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable about being the only non-drinker.

Have you thought about asking your adult child how you can best support him? He may prefer you to behave normally? Or maybe, he’d appreciate not having to use any strategies while around you drinking? It’s extremely tough being around alcohol when you’re abstinent. They may be advised to drop all drinking partners to build a life for themselves without it.

LP

 Thank you for your comment.

Any insight is helpful. I feel that she is such a people pleaser and along with the guilt from her prior misdeeds, she may not relate what is best for “her”.  Although what would really “please” us is if she would be honest.

Thinking we should see a therapist on our own. Would like to family counsel with her therapist. But is not possible according to my daughter.

Thank you again.

Hi Adnil

Welcome to bpdfamily  :hi: It's good to hear your daughter appears to be doing well 3 weeks in.

To answer to your question there is no alcohol in our home, Adnil it just felt the natural thing to do for us back in 2015, when my DD then 26yrs started alcohol rehabilitation counselling, she made a commitment to herself which I respected and wanted to show my support. Her choices how she socialised and with whom changed and that seems to have been reinforced by DBT that commenced in 2016. Today she will have a drink sometimes when she goes out, or if feeling vulnerable she'll make the conscious choice not to socialise around events eg parties where she knows they'll be drink. She's talked a lot to me about her choices over the time, sought me out to tell me she's not in a good place, therefore not going to a party, last minute apologies and I've been able to validate her choice. I think for DD it's about normalising the environment of no alcohol which can be difficult because it's all around. I will buy wine if we have friends for dinner, or special occasions, any left goes down the sink.

You are right your daughter may not know what's best for her, it's early days, perhaps that's the part of her working it out? How old is your daughter, is she receiving any other treatment? What's she not being honest about?

Welcome again.

WDx

With an adult daughter with a long-held SUD diagnosis, we do not have booze in our home when she has been around, nor consume any in her presence. We felt it was too tempting for her, and also wanted to set a good example. It might not be how everyone chooses to handle the situation, but we wanted to be able to say (if she consumed) that it didn't come from us.