BPDFamily.com

I’ve been a sucker for people my whole life and always put their needs or my idea of their perceived needs and want ahead of my own.  Actually my want became their happiness, their comfort.

From family to friends to relationships.

I’ve done some soul searching today given my state of mind and needed to connect the dots of what thinking lead to feeling and back again, I want further clarity on what makes me, made me tick.

Needing approval from others or fearing rejection or general dislike would be something I couldn’t bear as though I’m not nearly as important as almost anyone else.

Everyone seems to get my best except me... I don’t have regrets, can’t change anything. I’m glad I’m digging in deep.

I need to change . I need to see.

With my personality, god forbid someone take me for granted, my reaction would be that of betrayal without empathy or compassion.

I never had a great relationship, mostly healthy and some lacked good communication. I wouldn’t go back to any of them, none seem good enough to turn the clock back on and I’m 50.

My current love, true love of my life has symptoms of BPD and she’s treated me so badly and threw me out countless times.

I’ve been codependent with everyone depending on how much I valued the relationship, I was lazy and just going along with things and quick to fix any problem with my quick fix bs.

My current relationship feels like no other to compare, my sharing, my strive for intimacy, self analysis to uncover and mostly feeling fulfilled with love, not too much acceptance.

I can forgive anything in order to move on, I forgive myself in order to move on

We all have the opportunity to grow, pothole, speed bumps happen, slow us, stop us, only we keep going.

I’m not happy right now, but I know what happy in my soul is.

What do you feel happy in your soul is,  apart from relations with anyone else?

Myself, me. As a person, a moment in time, that’s my life.

I’m me apart from anything and everything.

I definitely have symptoms of someone who’s codependent, if I was on a deserted island or the last person in the world, I’d find a way to be happy inside as I am now.

I'm close to your age.  I'm the child of a single mother with BPD which I only found out after I was here for two years (she actually admitted it to me). I was attracted to those who needed someone like me,  who was familiar with dysfunction enough to know how too soothe.  On my side,  it soothed me... .I realized that I realized it didn't.